Seriously. My navel was so nicely shaped. A fine little pattern. Not deep. Not an “outtie.” Not gross. Reminiscent of a spiral shell pattern.
I took a good look at my navel for the first time in almost 3 years the other day while examining other scars. It’s gone, completely. No pattern designed by nature, it’s deep and painful — I can feel the scar tissue beneath it from repeated surgeries. It looks like a stab wound in the middle of my midriff.
NOT. SEXY.
Just digging my own grave here when it comes to attracting the opposite sex, but eff it. That’s just wrong, to not have something as simple and uniquely your own as the belly button Nature intended for you to have.
On such a beautiful sunny yet chilly day we decided to go to Atlantic City to try our luck. God knows it might just be ‘the’ day.
It wasn’t to be.
I’m not a big gambler. At the most you’ll find me on the 9th slot machine- the 25 cent ones to be precise by where the elderly sit. Yeah that’s my signature spot. So I did the same and even wore my lucky tunic but you know it’s not your day when your down $150 on slots. It took me a lil more rather double the amount to realize the above.
Finally we decided to move onto Roulette and just as we were winning some of the days losses back, bang! Enters a guy in a black sweat shirt with neatly spiked hair with a poker face, although this wasn’t a poker table. It was Roulette remember. And Lisa, our Roulette attendant or whatever that person is called, wasn’t adding to our luck either. So this ‘cool’ guy walks in and places a $35 bet on number 7. And somebody won $700 in a flash of 30 seconds.
And since I’m home writing this blog, it sure as hell wasn’t I. It was the man in black. I mean COME ON! I was there for over 40 mins and was counting on #9 to do some magic and nope it didn’t. Not once. At least the other numbers were winning us a few chips but #9…shame on you.
Well today I learnt that luck does exist but also that the chocolate chip muffins in Borgatta aren’t as delectable as they look. Definitely will opt for Starbucks next time. And also that I ought to find a new moisturizer. My face looked like I had a face mask on. Like the orange face masks. Yuck.
It’s the middle of the night here. I don’t know why I woke up, but I know I was just dreaming about him.
We were breaking-up. I don’t remember any details, just the feelings…
I was trying to stay calm the whole time, and mostly succeeding. Well, I wanted to cry, but I just kept everything in side. Then, somewhere in there I started punching the wall as many times as I could. He was in the same room with me.
I was hurting inside, but I just said quietly and with a sigh to him and the other person that was there…
I have to go.
Oddly, enough, then I was saying goodbye to everyone in my family, mostly my mom’s side of the family. And they were all crying, like I was leaving forever. I felt really bad, and hesitated, but then said goodbye and walked across the field, and was gone.
Then I just woke up.
When I was falling asleep last night, I was happy. I was thinking about China Man and about how I just like him for who he is. There’s a quote I like from the movie Mozart and the Whale. It says, “You can’t disappoint me, because who you are is exactly what I want.” That’s how I feel with China Man, except last night I was so at peace with not having him and still liking him, just for who he is, not because he means something in my life romantically anymore. It felt like what “letting go” must feel like.
Dear Friends, Black Friday has come and (almost) gone. We’ve all decided to give natural items for the holiday this year, haven’t we? Especially for our virtual friends. Because most of us only know each other in cyber-realms, we shall have to exchange cyber-gifts. Please sit down at your computer and prepare to open your gift. I suppose you can have more than one. You don’t even have to wait for the holidays. Please be considerate of the other cyber-recipients, though.
I shopped for gifts for all of you today. Oh my, there are too many of you to name with insulting at least dozens of you. But I am going to throw out some names at the top of my head. (All of the names not mentioned are at the bottom of my head, which doesn’t mean I love you less, it just means that for some reason you were waiting patiently at the bottom of the head and didn’t funnel out first.)
So here are gifts for the Susans, Cindy, Gerry, the Amys, Joanne, Dale, Kiah, Christopher, Craig, the many Jessicas, fountainpen, Gigi, Sybil, Emma, Julia, Pamela, Sandy, Christine, Carla, the Dawns, Deborah, Jen, Karen, Melinda, Catherine, Yellow Bells, Mom, Dad, Georgia Mom, Kim, Janet, Laurie, Raven, H. Forward, Mrs. Uhdd, Reggie, Maunderer, Kath, Bree, Nature Loving Super Mama, Iris, Tina, Doris, Nancy…AND IF I’VE MISSED ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS A PRESENT PLEASE GIVE A HOLLER AND YOU CAN CLAIM YOUR VIRTUAL PRESENT TOO!
A sweet little white feather for all of you who like feathers
Of course this was all Sahlah’s idea. As I posted yesterday, she got the brilliant idea that we should shop for rocks and feathers and twigs and such on Black Friday for all our blog readers.
If we meet face-to-face on the street I will give you a real rock. I swear it. I will carry around that basket of stones in my car until the Solstice. However, I’m afraid that there’s only a handful of you within shouting distance. So the rest of you must be satisfied with virtual gifts. As we’ve only had virtual acquaintance, I’m sure you won’t be dismayed or disappointed.
A special antler for anyone who will treasure it.
These are some of my prized possessions and gifts from the woods. But I’m willing to give them away to you in spirit, because I know you will honor them. You readers, I can tell, share a deep love for the earth, for the blessings of the land, for the abundance which surrounds us everywhere.
This is one of the most precious gifts I could give you. Do you know why?
Rocks, feathers, pieces of woods, antlers, sticks.
As precious as Nintendos, computers (hmmm?), cell phones, iPods?
Stone on stone
In the above virtual stone gift you could have one rock or both. It’s up to you. It’s kind of hard to separate them in the virtual world, though.
Your final choice: a twig that really is a magic wand. (shhhhh....)
OK, tomorrow I really do have to hit a few stores for a few small gifts. I’m not a big shopper. (Can you tell? Maybe I could just shop virtually from now on. Tell the relatives, “Just log in on-line and you can see a picture of my gift for you.” Hmmm, wonder how far that one would go?)
Hope all of the rest of you had fun on your Black Friday shopping. Enjoy your gifts!
saying nothing, then it can mean only either of 2 things :
a) You have too many thins on your mind and you can’t register them all. It’s all going on and on, you thoughts, ideas, questions, answers. It’s all zapping away and you cannot register it to write / speak about it.
b) You are stoned. jus kidding! I don’t know the second one. Do you? I’m guessing sad, hurt. Any ideas??
So why are we talking about feeling like nothing to say, coz I have been feeling this way. For how long I do not know (it’s better like that). So I’m gonna break this vicious cycle and register those speedy thoughts and tell you all about what’s in my mind, at least everything that I know.
Bullets or paragraphs? I mostly stick with bullets, they make everything very clear and separated. Its paragraphs today.
About family and home.
——————————
I know its incomplete, actually that’s why it was never posted. Don’t have anything to add. Don’t know why I keep posting olf drafts, it makes me feel lighter for some reason. ? Dun know why? Maybe its like letting go, of soemthing that is somewhere in your subconscious… maybe.
My thoughts drift off to far off fantastical places – an island in the middle of the black star strewn sky, a forest underground, a plane flying me to a familiar middle of nowhere – then I am back home to reality.
I glance at the clock behind me, it is late. How long have I been dreaming? How much time has been pushed aside like garbage without a second thought? Do I even care?
My mind is in the kitchen now. In the chocolate cake that is yet to be created. It will be dark moist and melt in my mouth. It will make me wish I could eat as much as I wanted.
It is time to sleep now, wondering what to eat before fajr salah, for tomorrow is the day of Arafah… A day of fasting to have our sins of the past year and the coming year forgiven. I now know what I want forgiven the most – all those times I spent displeasing my Lord and all the times I could have uttered a tasbeeh to tip the scale of deeds in my favor rather than saying nothing and thinking useless or sinful thoughts.
Jag började på Facebook, hittade massa gamla vänner som jag inte sett på år och dar! Det var jättekul att ta kontakt och få veta vad som hänt i deras liv. Varje gång jag loggade in hade jag nya vänförfrågningar.
Min man hade Twitter långt innan jag bestämde mig för att prova. Det gick ganska trögt i början, tills jag hittade @pierrepox. Jag hade gjort en sökning på Eskilstuna och han kom upp. Followade honom och kom i kontakt med en hel hög helt underbara empatiska människor. För att nämna några i den ordningen ni kom in i mitt twitterliv:
@max_tweets
tweets som får en att tänka “vart får han allt ifrån?”
@jiblog och @vikenas
många trevliga tweets och alltid ett glatt godmorgon, faktum är att jag minns ett av mina första tweets som jag fick reply och RT på och det var från @jiblog. Jag skrev “att plocka popcorn ur en svart ryamatta med ett par glas vin i kroppen är ett evighetsjobb” eller nåt liknade.
Samma kväll en fredag kom jag underfund med det är FollowFriday konceptet och min man @JosephBerwick måste ha blivit lite trött på mig när han sa: “I’ll ff YOU in a minute” och han menade inte FollowFriday…
@levandersson, @MariaHager, @politikerlilith och @JoakimHager var snart med bland mina followers och nu bara växer listan med helt fantastiska människor med en fantastisk gemenskap jag är så glad över att jag får vara en del utav.
Facebook som för mig är en community där jag har människor jag faktiskt känner har inte alls samma funktion som Twitter har för mig. På Twitter får man alltid svar. På Twitter är man aldrig ensam…
Detta är ett urval av mina nyaste Tweople, varje dag hittar man nya människor att följa. Väldigt sällan unfollow:ar jag någon.
Tack för att ni finns alla fina Tweeps! Tack Pierre för att du beredde väg.
So while running on the treadmill, this video came on
and I got really sad. I miss the Boulder family so much.
But my new Aussie gym membership is absolutely going to be a wonderful investment. Its so weird, but I feel most comfortable there than I do at most places here. It just feels so normal and so what I am used to. Minus the fact that the treadmills measure everything in kms and km/hour…but my runs seems much more impressive in the metric system!
Its strange that Thanksgiving is in two days and I’m not home. But we do have a nice hotel room with a full kitchen for the night so we are going to try to recreate our own Australian version of the holiday. I’m thinking Liz’s green bean casserole, Chels’s pumpkin bread, a big salad and some sort of tasty steak. And lots of wine, of course. I do appreciate going into the summer for the holidays though, it makes it seems so different and thus I don’t feel as homesick. And I am homesick, not just for Boulder and college, but Texas and family. I am just so used to being able to hop on a plane whenever I feel the urge for some Taco C and Gracie!
I picked up a new book today called The Shadow of the Wind; I am only a few chapters in but I already know that I am going to love it. I highly recommend it (and I don’t think that I will retract that statement once I finish it).
Things are changing. Its hard to let people go that have meant so much for so long.
“There is so much about my fate that I cannot control, but other things do fall under the jurisdiction. I can decide how I spend my time, whom I interact with, whom I share my body and life and money and energy with. I can select what I can read and eat and study. I can choose how I’m going to regard unfortunate circumstances in my life-whether I will see them as curses or opportunities. I can choose my words and the tone of voice in which I speak to others. And most of all, I can choose my thoughts.” –Eat, Pray, Love
Daughter Am I is a quest novel — a hunt for truth, a hunt for self, a hunt for gold — so what better way to celebrate the end of my Daughter Am I blog tour than with a treasure hunt! Unlike Mary, you don’t have to travel halfway across the country in the company of seven old rogues (well, six old rogues and one flirtatious old woman). All you to do is hunt for their names. I will even give you a clue. I mentioned the names a couple of times during my blog tour, so all you have to do is find the right article.
When you find all seven names, send an email to secondwindpublishing@gmail.com with your list, and you will be eligible for the real prize — the one and only proof copy of Daughter Am I, signed by the author . . . me. One person chosen at random from all those who send in correct responses will win the book. Who knows, one day it might be a collector’s item, and then you can exchange it for gold. As long as gold remains legal, that is. Teach doesn’t think it will. Oops. I gave away one of the names. So now you only have to find six others.
The hunt is on! Oh, did I mention there were seven octogenarians who accompanied Mary?
This is Jayden’s “silly” face!!! He is so adorable an funny. As soon as Isaac heard us talking about silly faces be walked in from outside and made a his silly face too!
We had a fun day (sometime last week can’t remember the exact day) hanging out with Sherry and Jayden. It’s been great living so close to each other, God has blessed me with so many wonderful friends. I am thankful.
Last week I made two pizza’s for dinner. I have been testing out different flavors and I think I’ve got something that will make any curry lovers mouth water. I made a red curry pizza with sweet potatoes, chicken, roasted garlic and spinach. It was amazing. I have also used yellow curry which I actually like better. Trader Joe’s has delicious dough and I get the plain and herb kinds. It’s so simple but so good.
this picture is really yellow for some reason…weird. I top it with cuatro cheese blend (also from tj’s) and leave some cheeseless for me and AA. CPK should really think about paying me for the recipe (Julie contact me if you’re interested and we can make a deal).
Tack för att ni finns alla fina Tweeps! Tack Pierre för att du beredde väg. 
This is Jayden’s “silly” face!!! He is so adorable an funny. As soon as Isaac heard us talking about silly faces be walked in from outside and made a his silly face too! 
this picture is really yellow for some reason…weird. I top it with cuatro cheese blend (also from tj’s) and leave some cheeseless for me and AA. CPK should really think about paying me for the recipe (Julie contact me if you’re interested and we can make a deal).