i love Marks & Spencer cookies.. if you never eat before, must try!!
My sister 2009 birthday cake, her birthday was ytd.. She almost cut it, then i shouted wait.. wait for me to take photo of the cake 1st.. lol..
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Emperor/In The Nightside Eclipse [Bonus Tracks]
Emperor were a Norwegian Black Metal Band originally formed in 1991. The band dissolved in 2001, reunited for live shows in both 2006 and 2007. The band was formed by drummer Samoth and Ihsahn on guitar and vocals. The band later recruited Mortis on bass and Faust who took over drums while Samoth moved to rhythm guitar. 1992 marked a year of trouble for members of the band and the Black Metal community as a whole. Samoth with other black Metal revellers set out to burn ancient Norwegian Churches. They were later caught, tried and convicted and Samoth served a 16 month prison sentence. Faust stabbed to death a man in a park after he made sexual advance towards him and also joined in the church burnings. Faust is serving a life sentence for the murder. In The Nightside Eclipse is considered to be a definitive and formative record in the Black Metal scene. Released in 1992, it was the bands first release and arguably the most important.
Into The Infinity Of Thoughts—-Beginning with a rather ominous and dark tone, the song begins with enough atmosphere to power a funeral home….the silence will not last. The song erupts in a brilliant yet somewhat muted tone to me…this has been remastered but still sounds way far away to me. These vocals are intense…even if you cannot catch a single word, the mood they create provides its own lyric. the sound is layered and huge…this was a predictor of what was to come. I’m telling you, this is one of the most evil, scary and brutal vocals I have heard….and I listen to a lot of Black Metal. Top notch!!
The Burning Shadows Of Silence—-From the onset, the brutality begins. The sound is scary…that is how dark it is. This is primeval metal that will literally kick the shit out of you and scare the vomit from you at the other end. The music is layered and seems to have a lot going on. I wish the drums were more forward cause Faust is killing it. No pun intended…..my bad! The voice is damn right eerie and frightening….the tones that are emitted with the music is almost like an absurd evil fairy tale…this is intense…some of the heaviest stuff out there.
Cosmic Keys To My Creation & Times—-With a much higher toned guitar, the song begins from the first note and quickly descends into the darker tones, coming back alive later with a nice crisp sound. The high hats from the drums are really pronounced and the playing is incredibly fast…this makes me think of Dimmu in the early days. This is literally fantastic…a pure and pleasant noise fest….some nice keyboards appear…..an indication of the things to come…but they sound great.
Beyond The Great Vast Forest—-My favorite track on this release, the song has a lot of symphonic overtones which has always appealed to me. I much prefer this heavy, layered feel…there is so much going on in the music, your head will spin. This is dark, heavy and brutal…the song is full of musical mood swings and a vocal that just begs for attention. I wonder again….how can he sing like that. This is exceptional.
Towards The Pantheon—-Wow…beginning with some rather timid almost acoustic sounds, you know in the back of your mind that this is some kind of teaser and of course you are right. The music bursts onto the quiet with huge sweeping sounds and is allowed to go for almost a minute before vocals enter the fray. The vocal that does enter is a lot of putrid screaming…I mean that in the best way…….and incredible undecipherable utterances….AWESOME!!!!! The song is incredibly fast…with an almost dark thrash feel to it…I really like this….maybe this is my favorite…WTF!!!
The Majesty Of The Nightsky—-This is just a huge barrage of the most extreme man-made noise that you can imagine….and it is pulled off with finesse and practise. this is literally astounding…the bass guitar is so deep and so loud…that when the lead rises above it you are still aware of the bass sound of the song. The voice is at an all time brutal delivery. The anger and the darkness you perceive to be quite real and it is easy to feel…again, this song is full of mood changes and tempo shifts…this only adds to the epic feel of the song. this is pretty incredible!
I Am The Black Wizards—-Jumping out at the first sound of silence, the song will pummel you in the face with brutal kick drums and some awesome lead guitars that are in your face….this is so fast, I can’t type as fast as this song is playing….just though I would share that. Anyways…back to the song….this is as most of the songs on this release full of the kind of music that makes you want to kick someone’s ass….just because. The anger, the darkness, the brutality is everywhere on this record…you can not go wrong with a copy of this!!!
Inno A Santana—-This begins with an almost ‘progressive’ Metal sound, as the leads are more pronounced, the bass is lighter and the drums are much more pleasant. The vocal is joined by a ‘chorus’ that leads a lot of atmosphere to the track. It comes across as not angry, but more mysterious and evil. This is really nice….I love this…the mood shifts are present, but the song rarely develops into some of the heavier material that is displayed on this release. I like this a lot.
Bonus Tracks:
A Fine Day To Die—-Wow….this is full of mood and atmosphere…the guitars are acoustic and you hear a horse in the background. the vocal is quiet and serene and shows a bit of talent for the ballad….this is so odd to hear after what you have just enjoyed for the past 45 minutes. But dont’s you worry….the horror is gonna jump up and smack you right upside the head….and when it does it is incredible!!! This is literally fantastic…the leads are so much more present and the heavy sound of the drum is way forward in the mix. This is really brilliant…the buildup was so worth the brutal wait. This is literally fantastic!!!
Gypsy—-A Freakin’ Brilliant Cover….this is almost better than King diamond himself…..plus…this is my very favorite Diamond song EVER!!!! This is brilliant….wow….fantastic….I’m speechless…or ummm…..typeless.
***** out of 5
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Last Random Dozen of 2009
Lid says, ”Let’s go out of 2009 with a bang, not with a whimper, shall we?”
Visit 2nd Cup of Coffee to join in the fun!
1. Do you find it gross to share drinks with family? Friends? YUCK! Most my family are little kids so yes, yes, yes!
2. What have you learned this year? (You didn’t see a question of that weight coming, did you? At least not for #2.) See #10
3. When do you dismantle the Christmas decorations? When I get bored with them.
4. Something you wish to accomplish before the end of 2009 is: Sleep
5. How do you feel about winter (after Christmas)? Bring it on baby!
6. Have you participated in after-Christmas sales? Nah, I don’t want to have to take someone out in the Wal Mart parking lot.
7. Do you have plans for New Year’s Eve? See #4
8. Is there anything special awaiting you in January? See #5
9. If your life this year was a movie, what category or genre would it be? (Romance, Comedy, Drama, Thriller, Suspense, Farcical, etc.) Trajedy
10. How much time per day do you spend blogging? Please do not lie. I will know. By blogging do you mean,writing, reading, surfing and the like or simply writing. And by bloggin do you include time thinking about writing, reading or surfing? Okay, I plead the 5th!
11. Who runs your household? Who wears the pants? That’s a dangerous question. My husband and I share duties. We are a good team.
12. Share one hope/dream for 2010. To finish writing my novel.
Luego recordé...
Luego recordé… Esta es mi vida, siempre tratando de hacer todo perfecto, el momento perfecto el encuadre perfecto, la luz perfecta, la historia perfecta, pero en esta exhausta existencia vine a entender que no soy perfecto, la vida no es perfecta y en esta imperfección y estado natural de la realidad encontré el lugar en el que quiero estar aunque me da miedo. Esto es lo que hago, lo que me gusta. Yo sé que no soy el mejor pero cuando lo hago, de alguna manera, me encuentro.
Esta es una parte de mi que desearía nunca mostrar pero quizás simplemente “…deseo imprimir mis pensamientos y luego quemarlos, tan solo por la pura acción de exteriorizarlos, sin ningún fin más.”Then I remembered… This is my life, always trying to do everything perfect, the perfect moment, the perfect frame, the perfect light, the perfect story but in this exhausting existence I came to understand that I’m not perfect, life´s not perfect and in this imperfection and natural environment of reality I found the place where I want to be tough I’m afraid of. This is what I do, what I like. I know I’m not the best but I always, in some way, find myself when doing it.
This is a part of me that I never wanted to share but maybe is just that “…I want to print my thoughts and then burn them, just to externalize them, with no other intention.”
Bla bla bla ___Link___
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Decide
Decide!
(Arthur Pink, “Beholding the Crucified Christ”)
“They kept shouting–Crucify Him! Crucify Him!” Luke 23:21
The Word of Truth declares that “the carnal mind is enmity against God” (Romans 8:7). Men do not believe it–in fact most of them pretend the very opposite. Nevertheless, at Calvary–they gave proof of their hatred of God.
Not only was Christ unwelcome here–but men hated Him–and that “without a cause” (John 15:25). He gave them every reason to admire and adore Him–but they had an inveterate detestation of Him!
Multitudes go through the form of paying homage to God–but it is a “god” of their own imagination. They hate the true and living God, and were it possible–they would rid the universe of His existence! This is clear from their treatment of Christ, for He was none other than “God manifest in flesh” (1 Timothy 3:16). They hated and hounded Him to death–and nothing short of His cruel death by crucifixion would appease them!
Here at Calvary the real character of man was revealed, and the desperate wickedness of his heart was laid bare. There it was shown, that man was capable of the blackest of all crimes!
As evil as man had shown himself all through his history–the coming of Immanuel to this earth brought sin to such a head–that all that which had gone before, was relatively but a trifling thing–when compared with the monstrous wickedness which was done against Love incarnate! In the treatment which the Son of God received at the hands of men–we see sin in its true colors, stripped of a disguise, exposed in its hideous reality; revealed in its true nature as contempt of God, and rebellion against Him. Here at Calvary we behold the climax of sin–and the fearful and horrible lengths to which sin is capable of going! That sin which germinated in Eden–culminated in the crucifixion! Here at Calvary, we see sin at it’s apex–Decide–in the slaying of the Lord of Glory!
“They kept shouting–Crucify Him! Crucify Him!” Luke 23:21
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Saturday, December 26, 2009
Boring Saturday.
Did a banner on Jjong.
And I really was.
Because I was waiting for Music Core to air.
MC was awesome okayzxzx!!
My boys performed ‘Get Down’ & ‘RDD’!! 
It’s really lovely and (OMG) to see Key and Minho being the so-called ‘Main Vocals’ in ‘Get Down’.
They totally blew my mind awayyyyyyyy ~
The rappers should sing more! ~
Key swayed his hair and it’s OMG.
Minho winked at me. xD
Hope they perform full of ‘Get Down’ next time!
RDD was awesome too!
Jjong spiked his hair and it’s OMG. AND I MEANT IT.
HAHAHAHA.
KEY’S SMILE IS STILL AS MYSTERIOUS. !
I LIKE TAEMIN’S HAIR IN THIS PERF.
Okay. Shall calm down. HAHAH.!
Here’s the performance.
)
Suju was the last to perform. :O
MY FOCUS WAS ON HYUKIE’S RED HAIR. HAHAHA.
I FEEL SO MEAN.
I like 2PM’s perf.
It was Heartbeat & I hate you. Heartbeat was kinda of addicting.
I was hoping to see Again & Again perf.
(ANYWAY, MY COUSIN KEPT DANCING TO AGAIN&AGAIN, WHICH WAS FRIGGIN’ HILARIOUS. HAHAHA.)
——-
I posted so much on KPop. :O
Hahaha. Wished Girlfriends Merry Xmas on 2359 last night.
Was friggin’ funny. ~ BLAH.
I shall do a banner on KEY tomorrow.~
*Shy*
True story.
About a month ago, I was talking to P about drama. So we were basically browsing on mysoju and reading various plot synopses of Korean and Japanese drama. If we saw a drama with a funny name, we’d just click on it and quickly skim through the plot synopsis (yes, we did this for the entire list).
Anyway, he is a MiSa fan (not a fan of me, but Mianhada Saranghada). We clicked on something random, and he casually said, “oh hey, it’s the Sorry but I love you guy. He’s back from military service! I didn’t know that. But I like that guy.”
Then, I said, ”my friend is currently watching Cain and Abel” – so I clicked it.
Instantly, he was like “oh hey it’s that guy again! I want to watch this now”.
Jokingly, I said “are you sure you two aren’t related or something?!” since it was about 2 clicks in a row that we stumbled across the same actor. He just laughed and we continued looking at other plot synopses.
Epic phail. He wasn’t the one who was related, instead, I was, since we have the same surname.
*Shy*
Yeah. Whoooooooops.
PS: I think I know why I thought Shin Hyun Joon was the MiSa guy – it’s because probably on mysoju they listed the cast in a different order and possibly wrote Shin Hyun Joon first for C&A, so I got confused. Or else I would have seen So Ji Sub instead and would be like “oh. Same surname.”
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wishing you a Merry Christmas!
Its 4pm and my traditional Christmas eve dinner with the extended family is already set. The turkey is on slow roast. Mashed potatoes, lasagna, raisin sauce and sparkling juice is all on standby *slurps*
This past year has been awesome to say the least. And I’d like to thank everyone who has helped make this year so memorable. I look forward to many more wonderful years ahead and hope that Jo and I will never run out of things to blog about.
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas! <3
New Online Game!
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Tuesday, December 22, 2009
My favorites from Digg's "100 Top Weird News Stories of 2009"
The year is almost up. There’s been a lot of big things that happened this year. From Bernie Madoff to Michael Jackson to a plane landing in the Hudson. 2009 will be looked back on for many things, some of them a little odd. Digg compiled their top 100 odd stories from the year. Some were funny, others disturbing, all of them weird. Here were my favorites.
#99 “I’m too fat to work”
An English family has been out of work for 12 years. Why won’t anyone hire them, you ask? Because they’re not looking for work. They have been receiving $36,000 a year from the government because they say they’re too fat to work. Now they say it isn’t enough.
This is them. Too fat to work? More like too lazy and entitled.
This could be the most ridiculous and lazy way to go through life that I’ve ever seen. It’s not like they’re so big that they can’t fit through their front door. Get a job at a call center or something you lazy buffoons!
#86 “Angry Star Wars fans finally get Tauntaun sleeping bag”
On April 1st, a company started advertising a sleeping bag in the shape of a Tauntaun from Return of the Jedi. It was complete with graphics of intestines on the inside. When hundreds of people who tried to order it found out it was a April Fool’s joke, they flooded the company website with complaints.
And I thought they smelled bad on the outside
Seeing that there actually was a market for geeks to buy a sleeping bag that would let them recreate their favorite Luke-stuffed-in-a-disemboweled-Taunraun moment, they decided to produce it. The placated fans then forgot about how pissed they were and happily ordered a product to guarantee the continuity of their virginity.
#70 “Woman bites lover’s penis off in car crash”
I cringed just typing that headline. It was bad enough when Lorena Bobbit went crazy with a knife on her sleeping husband, but to have it happen during a very blissful moment? That would have to hold the record for the biggest swing from pleasure to terror in history. This poor guy in this case was on the receiving end of a little oral tomfoolery when a truck crashed into his parked car.
Get in, honey. If your brave enough...
The sudden jolt caused the man’s worst nightmare to come true. His female companion bit down, either out of shock or reflex, and gave him a quick and clean castration. *shiver*
#53 “Fake cop pulls over real cop”
Antonio Martinez of Oakland outfitted his Crown Vic with lights, a siren, and a loudspeaker. He then went cruising to look for someone to pull over. The police had suspected that he was looking for someone to rob. Of course, he could also be hoping that people will pay (or do) anything to get out of a ticket.
I'll let you go if you touch it
Antonio picked his victim and threw on the siren to pull them over. The car complied and pulled to the curb. Antonio got a little surprise however, when he approached the car and found out it was an undercover car with a couple of undercover cops therein. Whoops. He quickly went from fake cop to real prisoner.
#24 “No dating, just sex”
Forget Thailand. If you want to go somewhere to release all your suppressed energy, apparently New Zealand is the place to go. According to a survey and study, women in New Zealand have three times the global average as far number of sex partners. The survey also reports that 29% of men in New Zealand have been forced into a sexual encounter.
You're going to have sex with me. Deal with it!
Yeah, right. 29% seems awfully high to me. Chances are that even if a man isn’t really in the mood, he’s still going to go along with it. That’s how men are for the most part. So what’s going on in New Zealand? Maybe there’s something in the water, like ruhipnol.
#9 “Girl lies about tattoo”
A Belgian girl went to get a tattoo. Nothing unusual about that, right? Well, her tattoo choice was a little… odd.
You have something on your face. No... a little to the right.
This wouldn’t have been a story except for that the girl told her irate father that she fell asleep in the tattoo chair and the above example was the result. The father threatened to sue the tattoo artist and it made the papers. After many people questioned the ability to fall asleep while having a tattoo applied, the girl gave in and admitted that it was exactly what she ordered. She would have been better off telling her father she wanted the tattoo on her ass and the tattoo artist thought that’s what he was doing. (I’m probably going to hell for that one)
#5 “Thank you for bringing this to our attention”
Michelle Owens was angry at her ex-boyfriend. They were supposed to be together forever, but he ended it. So she took their laptop to the police because she thought he had downloaded child pornography and wanted to get him arrested. The police didn’t find any child porn, but what they did find was almost worse: videos of Michelle having sex with a dog.
This little guy was getting more action than you
It just goes to show you that revenge may not be all it’s cracked up to be.
The top three were all great, so I’m including all of them in this list.
#3 “Man paid to impregnate neighbor’s wife, fails 72 times”
A German couple was trying to conceive with no luck. After a doctor’s visit, the husband discovered he was sterile. Still wanting kids, he paid a neighbor who had two kids $2,500 to insemenate his wife. The man tried. He really, really tried. To the tune of 72 trysts with his neighbor’s wife. Unsuccessful, the man went to the doctor himself to find out why he couldn’t knock up the girl next door. Turns out, he was sterile too.
So it's a deal then. Just remember, I get to watch.
Sucks for him, except for the fact that he got to nail the neighbors wife to his heart’s content without repercussions. But remember, he already had two kids of his own. How could this happen to a sterile man? His wife eventually confessed that she long suspected that the kids were not her husband’s but the product of a lengthy affair several years earlier.
#2 “Never have your boss as a friend on Facebook”
People always go through times when they hate their jobs. I’ve seen it on Facebook numerous times. I assume, however, that the rants I see are by people who keep their personal and business lives separate. This British girl forgot that important rule.
Oops.
#1 “Girlfriend send angry email to vacationing boyfriend”
I remember seeing this on YouTube. It was hilarious. It’s kind of long, but worth it.
Awesome. For the complete list, head over to Asylum to check it out. there are about 90 more I didn’t mention, and they’re all funny or disturbing in one way or another.
I apologise Doctor.. I am indeed an eyeless teddy bear.
I often find myself wondering where exactly my bizarre sense of random thought patterns comes from. And then conversations like *this* actually occur, and I find all that doubt just disappears with a ‘poof’..
Picture the scene: A doctor’s waiting room. One very tense 18 year-old drama student trying to keep her mind off of the up-coming torture that is her final HPV jab (Ughh.. I’m feeling queezy just thinking about it.)
D: That’s okay Angel Pie.
Me: That’s not your name.
M: What?
Me: That’s *my* name. Get your own name.
M: I didn’t give it to me. Your Father did.
D: What?!
Me: That’s not her name, it’s my name. Give your wife her own name.
To which my Mum’s response was “Are you an eyeless teddy bear?” It was at that moment I realised that maybe I’m actually not all that strange. At least, not as much as a spawn of my parents has the potential to be.
Excellent.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Random Moods
I’m breaking down. I HATE EVERYTHING. The smallest thing depresses me so much that I almost want to kill myself or slit my wrists. I’m crying, and the tears just keep coming.. Yet, I don’t know why I’m feeling like this. I seriously have no idea why.. I want to scream, cry even more, be hugged, but I also don’t want anyone around at all.. What causes these moods? That’s what I want to know.. I could blame it on any number of things going on in my life at the moment, but that’s not it. I could blame it on my depression, but that’s not it either, and I just can’t figure it out. It’s similar to when I’m having one of my usual anxiety attacks or overwhelmed moments, but its not that.. Someone share some insight into this please? I just need to know because I can’t take this..
Do any of you ever just get like this? Just reply if you know anything about whats actually happening to me.. I’m not in the mood for writing anymore, so heres my shortest entry..
Brock
The Loss Goes On
So, I have reached and surpassed my goal weight: 140 lbs!!! That makes the loss a total of 80 lbs. It’s funny because that was the weight of one of my friends when she was underweight… so I guess I lost potentially an adult human being in extra weight. I don’t have any pictures right now, so I’m sorry I can’t continue that progression, but I will get some up eventually.
But that loss is not just extra physical weight. This time of year as brought a lot of emotional loss to my attention as well. People have always said that Christmas is the hardest time of year for the lonely. This is the first year that I have gotten to experience the truth in that.
Mr. Right wasn’t Mr. Right at all. He was Mr. I’m-not-in-love-with-you-the-way-you-deserve. It’s heartbreaking, still. We’ve been separated for two years, now, and decided to divorce in about May of this year. It will be final January 23, 2010. Sadly, our 6th wedding anniversary is December 21, 2009. Just made it… but not really.
So, this is the first year that I won’t have my person since I started dating him… In total, we had been together for 9 years. Wow… never really realized that until I just did the math to write that. Ouch. Almost a decade… cool……….
On that note, I think I’m done. I’m going to go cry that one out a little.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Trouble finding the time to work differently
I am sure you know the story, you spend so much time doing the work that you have limited time to reflect upon what you’ve done and learn from it, and even less time to experiment with new tools that could make your job easier, but carry a learning curve with them.
I am sure this isn’t unique to freelancers (which I currently am – or am I a contractor? I never can quite tell the difference!).
Anyway my New Years pledge this year is going to be to try out a new tool each month and blog about my experiences. Some candidates for my attention are a series of wireframing/mock-up tools that I’ve singularly failed to play around with. Namely:
- iPlotz
- Balsamiq
- Mock Up Magnets
Feel free to suggest some ideas either here, or directly to me.
Billboard Names Nickelback Top Band of the 2000s
Music Takes Serious Blow
I assume Billboard is not talking about Nickelback the band. If they are, clearly music was not the determining factor.
In gratitude for the recognition, Nickelback is going to release a book entitled “One Habit of Highly Successful Bands,” in which they detail how to write one shitty song and then rename it multiple times to create an entire shitty album.
By the way, this is proof that just because something is popular doesn’t mean that it is good.
Best Artists of the Decade [billboard.com]
Thursday, December 17, 2009
byebye autumn 2009.
finals are over. woohoooooooo.
tired, i am.
sleepy, i am.
anxious to go to work, i am.
i start officially driving tomorrow! (er, today, considering it’s almost 1am)
it’s going to be awesome. cars! beware! this girl has only driven for 3-4 months total! bwahaha. kevin’s scared and ken wants “passenger insurance”
honda cr-v’s have one of the highest safety ratings in all cars. so, i’m feeling pretty safe.
no more studying for a few weeks. i’m feeling good. a bit happy too. though boys are stressful. but girls are hot. so life evens out.
mwah~
btw, kelsey apartments have cute boys i wish i lived there.
In Celebration
Just had a birthday dinner for my granddad last night, it was kinda like a huge family reunion. We had everyone there at the dinner, my cousins and I who flew back from work and studies, my aunt and her family from US as well. Two big events in our families’ calendars as its a unique birthday for my grandad (his Georgian and Chinese birthdays were on the same day) and as my cousin’s wedding approaches.
toyed around with a 5dmk2 and a couple of really good lenses, but didn’t have the feel for them tonight. i’m actually toying around with the idea of an equipment swap heh. More thought on that later 
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
no evil.
Speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil and be no evil.
Hahaha. Something I whipped up earlier when I was bored.
I’m about halfway through The Lovely Bones. (: yaaay.
Oh look at my eyes. I’m a non-vegetarian vampire. (:
I’m such a camwhore today. Oh, girls.
Yours truly. (:
(Don’t mind my right hand nails. I suck at painting them.)
♥Sweetiegirlz' bunny suit and other deep thoughts
*tell you later!*
The rest of today was “meh!” Clouds and artic air descended on Kansas like a cold slap in the face this morning. Literally it went from 35 degrees to 20 with a windchill of 7 degrees. Flurries fell steadily for awhile, raising hopes for an early let out. but then…they didn’t stick. It was just cold enough to piss everyone off. Paperwork was casual, but steady. Life was reasonable but anxious. I had a bad taste in my heart from a long talk I had with “him” Last night. Talk about hashing things out! It’s not a talk we haven’t had a gazillion times before, okay. divorce. yada yada. the girlz, yep yeppers. discipline, money, love and romance…all on the table.His bottom line: ARE YOU TELLING ME IT’S DONE? are you telling ME it’s DONE? Because I don’t care. I can take care of myself. Just tell me it’s over and it will be over.
dang.
I hate drama! On the one hand, I have him and on the other hand, I have big A, fussing about moving. We went out to eat tonight as a family, for the first time in a long time. she’s fretting constantly. Drinking her lemonade. talking about “why can’t we just stay here one more year? my friends are all here. I just wanna finish 9th grade here.” Then she puts her head down and cries. It was so pitiful.How does a kid understand Uncle Sam’s orders? Military kids have life rough. This is really around the same time as my two older kids got tired of traveling around and went to stay with their dad, so they could be in one spot, among other reasons.
I don’t really have an answer for Big A except I told her that it was okay to feel sad, but she needed to try and find ways to accept our moving again, so that she can feel okay soon. Really, it won’t matter if I’m with or without their dad, we must move next year and that is that. there is no way around it.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
ABANDONING REGRET
What is regret anyway? Another means of self-flagellation? A symbolic gesture of conscience? A frustrated desire to change the past? If self-condemnation actually accomplished its goal and altered the past, the person you are presently would not exist. Do we really believe we can change ourselves by mourning the past?
The reasons for regret are usually linked to unpleasant current circumstance. We experience disappointment and immediately rue our actions, as if we were solely responsible for the event. If only I had been prudent, this discomfort would not have occured. But there is no way to predetermine any outcome, especially if other people are involved.
We tend to forget that people are masters of their own lives. Changing our actions will not necessarily change them. In fact, they might respond in ways that are completely unexpected.
Furthermore, if we are so stubbornly vested in specific outcomes, perhaps we should examine our own neediness and control dependency. Are we really so fragile that we must manipulate every detail?
It’s been said that adversity draws out one’s true character. In crisis, we are put to the test and must act spontaneously in response. There isn’t time for elaborate rumination to decide which of our many faces to wear. We act in the moment, prompted from honest intention or fear, and this unguardedness reveals whom we truly are.
What has it revealed about you? That you are decisive, doing what is principled and right? That you are joyful, acting from the heart and connecting to others? Or that you are self-protective, taking whatever you can and running from the scene?
No matter which best describes you, it is what and whom you are. No amount of remorse will change that fact. Therefore, if you are struggling with regret, the struggle is probably with self-acceptance rather than with external conflict. Conflict with others usually occurs when we are not honest and disguise our natures to conform to another’s expectation.
If you are behaving with sincerity, then there is no place for regret because you honor not only yourself but others, too. Giving them the freedom to behave and react as they choose is equal to giving yourself the same. Allow them to be and you will discover that you have been liberated from the bonds of expectation and attachment, and regret will become nothing more than a habit discarded.
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