painting.

once upon a time…  our townhouse kitchen/dining room was HOTTT PINK!  i loved it, and so did many of my friends.  however, 2 of my roomates decided they didn’t like it.  so what did they decide to do??  RE-PAINT.  today, me and 2 of my 3 roomates made a little trip to LOWE’S.  i wan’t excited about getting rid of the pink, since i really loved it and all… BUT i happen to come across a BEAUTIFUL paint color – “HIDDEN SPRING!”  it’s seriously one of the most gorgeous gray/blue’s i’ve ever seen. i’m excited about having the kitchen re-painted. in fact, when i get home later tonight, it should be completed! i think i’m going to love it. i also think that when men walk into our kitchen in the future they won’t be utterly shocked and borderline disgusted. haha.  

Sore throat...

Not to mention a sore jaw and sore tongue.

One of the sacrifices that comes with writing/performing speed rap is that, well, if you do it too much, the muscles in your mouth literally get tired.

It comes with the territory.

“Practice does not make perfect.  Practice makes permanent.”
-Dai Vernon

How true that is when it comes to speed rapping.  If you’re a speed rapper, you’ll know the following to be of utmost importance when writing lyrics:

• Syllable count.
• Streaming vs. bursting (I’ll get to these in a bit).
• The beat.

Ironically, the slower the BPM of a beat is, the easier it is to speed rap on it.  50-60bpm is ideal.  70-80 isn’t shabby, 90+ gets harder and harder.

This is, of course, if you rap in English.

I could go on and on about the the subject, but I’ll save some of it for a later post.  I think I might write up a series on speed rap and how to do it properly.

Getting back to my original point, when I practice speed-rap, there really is no room for error, only room for wasted time.  When I practice a line or a bar, it’s got to be CORRECT.  The more retries I have to do it, the harder it will get as I put more strain on my tongue, jaw muscles, and voice.

Here’s a couple examples of what it’s like to speed rap.  Go ahead.  Try em.

Streaming is a technique in which you rap at a steady pace, with no pauses.  Speed is not the focus, the aim here is to spit every word clearly.  This is sometimes easy, depending on how you do it.  Here are a few examples of streams from myself and other famous speed rappers:

• “You ready for the world, girl, come and go with me,
  I’ll touch you all over your body, baby don’t say no to me
  And every moment you controlling me, I’m loving the way you be holding me
  while I be listening to Jodeci.”
  (Twista, Slow Jamz)
• “How can I roll into Jacobs and purchase some diamonds with dough on the table?
  How can I floss in the party with Gin and Bacardi when I am not able?
  How can I live in a home with a Butler, 4 bedrooms and windows that gleam?
  And how can I take a trip out to the Florida Quays when I ain’t got the green?”
  (V Double O, Why Ain’t I Been Signed?)
• “You can tell me that I don’t be flowin and kickin it tight on the beat.
  They can hate on my rhymes till they die because I be the cause of defeat,
  Because everytime somebody wanna compete with me, strugglin mumblin lyrics pathetically,
  Losing to me’s eventually going to be their destiny.”
  (ND, Street Stories feat. Johnny Blaze)

Streams are hard for beginners generally because most people aren’t used to talking at such a steady rate for such a long period of time.  However, the opposite is true for more experienced speed rappers– it gets easy after a while, with lots of practice.

Bursts, on the other hand, are phrases that are usually short, and delivered rapidly one after the other, although as standalone items they’re very easy to say.  Go ahead and try to spit the following combos as fast as you can.  They roll right off the tongue:

• “Hit-em-up.”
• “Droppin-it-off.”
• “Trippin-you-up.”
• “Finna-react.”
• “Killin-it-hard.”

As you can see, these are all 3-4 syllables long.  They can be longer, but this is the ideal length for practice.  Rapping at a slow speed and throwing bursts in occasionally works best in songs with a higher BPM.  You can see examples of this in songs like Twista’s “The Come Thru,” and my own song “Got A Problem.” (I’ll be discussing this song soon!)

Getting  back to my original aim, which was to cry and complain about my throat at the moment.  It’s actually kinda nice just sitting here writing away and letting my throat and jaw muscles slowly recover.  I should do this more often.

Oh yes.  A few updates.

There is a slight possibility that the shooting date for my music video will be pushed back to November.

We just acquired some new camera equipment and need to make sure we know how to use it properly.  This shouldn’t be a problem for myself, since I’ve had some experience acting and whatnot, and definitely not an issue for my director, Joe Comstock, who’s currently a professor of Cinematography at the Academy of Arts.

However, we like to make sure we have our ducks in order before we make any moves, so for now we’re playing it safe.

I’m still working on more music than ever.  Tomorrow, I’ll be finished writing a small… erm… longish verse/remix, which I’ll record if there’s time.

Until then, stay beautiful, y’all.

-ND

Mini-Post

Busy lately, as the drab, bare pages of recent days would indicate. This is partly due to my own laziness but (I would hasten to add) is also partly due to a crapload of reviews (NFS: Shift, Wallace and Gromit Ep. 3, Monkey Island Ep. 3, Red Alert Commander’s Challenge [I know... Really?], and an editorial). Which makes me sound so diligent. It’s also due to Dead Space on the PC being “only” 30 dollars. I know, I know. Really Tom?

It’s interesting how playing the game on the PC highlights several things I probably took for granted before. First, the aiming is ass slow. It’s so slow I have the mouse sensitivity up to 100%, something I never do. And it still isn’t enough. It makes the elephantine, sloth-like camera in Mass Effect look like a fucking cheetah. Second, the game is very very pretty. It really is. My computer is absolutely up to the task, and I, being a bold man, went into the ATI doohicky and artificially bumped up all of the settings. So it looks really amazing. Third (and most importantly), it’s scary. I’m not sure what happened during my first playthrough, but the presence of the stupid sped-up slashing guys really bored me. In the early game, they’re much more willing to slow things down, cut off the flow of bad guys, and just let weird sounds and whispers fill the air. Oh, and it helps that as a PC gamer this time round, I’m sitting a foot from the screen. By the way, how many people really think that sitting on a couch 10 feet from the screen is an optimal setting for interesting, fulfilling experiences? It means that I have to turn up the brightness and sound just to see and hear half of my games, and it means I miss all of the little details (because, cats and kittens, let’s not even talk about the difference in visual fidelity between my 360 and my PC, especially in Dead Space. I don’t want to start crying again). I suppose for racing games, sports games, and some of the more loose, fun action adventure games like Ratchet and Clank and Tomb Raider, it actually works. These games definitely feel better from afar, lounging (as I’m want to do) on a splendid IKEA couch.

For games like Drake’s Fortune or Prince of Persia (man, when I break down and pick that shit up on Steam, I expect to be blown away), or Thief 3 (or Deus Ex), I want to be close up to the narratives and stories being told. I don’t want to flail at them from behind a wall of whiskey bottles. Not that I do that a lot.

So this post is partly a rant about couch gaming, partly another, “glowing” (ironic, that!) look at Dead Space, and an explanation of how I am Steam’s man, no matter how far I run. Fail.

Trouble Trouble...

Technically, affection and dislike is just caused by a set of chemical reactions that sets off in your body; say, someone punches you and you feel pain from the neurotransmitters released, and you remember that person in a dislikable fashion because the area responsible in the brain for memory happens to be directly linked to pain and stress.

So technically, my bit of admiration for our class president should be nothing at all. Right?

So it might be developing into a teeny tiny crush.

That I have to kill right now.

So technically, if I asked him to punch me, the brain would sort it as an unfavourable event and therefore, ultimately, stop this silly little chemical thing-ma-jig. Scientifically speaking, that is how it works.

Unfortunately though, science tends to elude my mind.

But in my defense, he is amazingly fit. And should any of my classmates wonder onto this blog (which, thank god, none of them are that interested in me or English) I am sorry to say that I will have to kill you. Not that you’re not a good person, but… dead people don’t talk.

Don't look now

I’d been salivating over taking this picture.  truth is, I think they put that stuff up in July. haha.  not only is it twice as much junk in person, than in the photo, it really does look like Halloween threw up all over their lawn.     Today was like slow motion all day.  I couldn’t get my brain synapses firing all at once. Oh well, tommorrow is a new day.  I hope I can at least finish the stack of festering paperwork on my desk.  We have not ONE but TWO bored boards coming up at work. Poo.  People are also taking lots of leaves, which translates into paperwork!

where’s a doggone shredder when you need one?

(just kidding, boss.)  

 

Little A stayed home from school for the 4th time today.  she’s milking the sore throat,strep throat for all it’s worth even though she’s done with the antibiotics.   today I made an appointment with the throat specialist to see about getting her tonsils out.  I went down the rather long lists of unknown doctors and believe me, when it comes to choosing a surgeon that’s going to have my baby’s life in his hands,  I’m really nervous.     This morning Big A had her appointment with the therapist after a long time of not going.  I wanted her to have someone to vent to about her dad, other than me, without fear of any reprisals.  I think I owe her that at least.   I spoke to the therapist whom I see twice a month,  about Doug’s outburst.   She bluntly stated that I didn’t give him time to “transition” that night he came home from his work trip,  before dumping on him about Big A, that fateful evening he screamed at her and called her names, and cursed her.    I RESPECTFULLY disagree. HA! I’ve been helping him “transition”  for 15 years.  I think his outburst was B.S.     Then, last night, my daughter from Texas called and she is going thru crap with her bi-polar daddy. I was telling her how I might leave here early (after christmas sometime) and get a job there first, so I can bring the girlz there and help her out.   Just thinking about it, was nice.  If nothing else, I will help her out with college money, a couple hundred a month.  she’s working her azzzz off full time job, school, etc.   Big A needs her big sister to love on her, take her to the mall, bond with her, mentor her…  Both, believe it or not are extremely level headed females, independent and savvy all at once.   So today, I took it easy in the food department.  I cannot believe how easy it’s been to just gravitate toward junk all the time, skip workouts, yada yada…  today I slept during lunch and ate only an apple and an orange.  after having just bran cereal this morning.   Doug cooked tonight and I ate like a starving person.  but only one coke today.  yay me.     I hope your Monday was painless.  C-Ya tommorrow.

A morning growl

I’m feeling grumpy this morning.

First reason: I got a text message a few minutes after I got up and was initially quite excited as it was from a friend who I don’t see very often even though she lives less than 3 miles away. When I read it, I was cross. It was one of those appalling chainletter style of texts that you have to send on to another 9 people for your day to be happy or some such rot. I was irritated because I am not complimented by being sent a mass text telling me I am beautiful, classy and strong nor am I likely to boost the coffers of my mobile provider by forwarding it to 9 more people. I was also disappointed in the friend, who has been very distant with me, and even deleted me on Facebook because I made comments that were not part of the sweet and nice universe she wants to live in. I never understood the whole chainletter thing and while I have sometimes forwarded email ones when they have been amusing, I’d never waste my money sending on text ones. I’m disappointed my friend has not bothered to think about it and realise it’s just another con. If she loves me, I’d far rather she just sent me an ordinary text saying hiya, how’s things.

The second thing that got my goat is that last night I unblocked my former boss on Facebook, on the principle that since she’s long since deleted me as a friend, it’s not important as none of my contacts are still in communication with her. Then this morning, I find another of my colleagues has added me as friend, and this one IS still in contact with the Goblin Queen. Other colleagues reckon she’s a spy but I’m not sure. If so, it’s an unwitting one. I did a quick check on my new “friend’s” page and sure enough, there was the Goblin Queen. So it was back to the settings page to reblock her. If my new friend then suddenly deletes me, then I shall know I was only added as a window into the company.

Both together it just makes me feel deeply disappointed in people. Surely we should be more advanced than the playground by now?

Runners Give Hope

I’m sure many runners were bummed to hear that the New Balance Power Run Raising Hope had been postponed.  I’m also sure that even more runners were horrified upon seeing the images from the past weekend.

The wrath of Ondoy has left all of us either dumbfounded or devastated.  Or both.  I feel fortunate that my family and house have been spared this time but can’t help feel for my friends and other Filipinos who weren’t as fortunate.

Let us all do our share to make their lives a little bit better.

Here are some ways and contact numbers where we can extend a helping hand:

• From The Bull Runner’s site:  If you live in QC area, Second Wind is now accepting donations and will be sending these all to Ateneo.  You may drop them off at:      88 Maginhawa St.
                                           Teachers Village, QC
                                           Tel. No. 799.2089
• From Bugobugo85:     TKO:  Takbo Kontra Ondoy
• Click here for verified relief centers for Ondoy victims from GMAnews.tv.
• ABS-CBN’s Tropical Storm Ondoy:  How you can help.  Click here.

   

End of the weekend

Yep, s-a mai dus inca un weekend de relaxare si frecat menta. Iar vine luni si iar incepe scoala. Iar incep notele proaste, testele, ascultari si sa nu uitam de oboseala care parca nu se mai termina. Nu ca e frumos cand esti la jumatatea saptamanii si te gandesti ca maine e joi, apoi vine vineri si in sfarsit weekendul mult asteptat? O, ba da, va zic eu. Dar nu e urat atunci cand esti de-abia la inceputul saptamanii, luni spre exemplu, si te gandesti ca maine e de-abia marti si ca toata lumea ar trebui sa aiba voie buna pentru invatat, dar se pare ca nimeni nu prea reuseste? Tare urat.

Dar cum e cand stii ca mai sunt cateva zile, pana la vacanta de iarna spre exemplu, si deja simti cum tot cheful de scoala dispare treptat si de-abia astepti sa te trezesti la 10 si sa stai in pat in plus? Sau cand tot ce vrei intr-o zi e doar sa stai langa o ceasca de ciocolata calda, in pat, infofolit in patura, in pijamale si in sosete, citind o carte buna? Va zic eu, e minunat !

Dar momentan, astea-s doar planuri, pentru ca pana la vacanta de iarna mai este mult si bine. Am plecat ca mi s-a tras episodul din Two and a half men.

P.S: In urmatorul post voi scrie despre amintirile mele din copilarie.

secrets...

...or do they!

One thing I enjoy about the web are blogs and sites that I randomly come across. Like PostSecret, I’m certain that some of you, if not most of you, know about site! For those of you who are not familiar with PostSecret, basically it’s a community mail art project, where people mail their secrets anonymously on a postcard. Some secrets are  posted on their site, others are published in PostSecret’s books.

I’ll admit that I visit this site often, it’s too funny. Sometimes, well usually most of the time, I just can’t believe the secrets people send in and the postcards that go with them… some are random and others match up exactly. The other day I came across the postcard above: It’s a clip from the movie The Science of Sleeping staring Gael Garcia Bernal. I loved that movie! It was magical and whimsical (do you see a running theme here) and I aslo really enjoy Gael Garcia Bernal as an actor and the movie choices he makes. He really gets into his roles! Anyway, this made me chuckle a little and I thought I’d share that with everyone!

my name is kader and this is like a running commentary.

we went to ma maison again on friday. we got a free pudding.

i think all the times ive been to ma maison have been memorable, for the most part. i like the maitre d lady there (sexy eyebrows)… i like the music and the chairs and the lights and the view outside. and i like the company. i don’t like that i have to go back to the real world after. and the fact that im in sch working on the first day of midterm break ):

on the other hand, ive got the lunchbox room all to myself. and i can blast mariah carey to my hearts content without anyone bitchin’ about it. kek kek kek///

(update) my mortal enemy just entered the lunchbox room. out of 50 fellow final year animators, it had to be teammate D. Death, Destruction, Dumbstruck i am.

______________________________ _ _ _

inspection by the industry. no Melanie on Thursday. shooting with the brunette on Sunday. days out with the homies the schmaties and the pool story and my second life. its going to be a tense week baby.

______________________________ _ _ _

______________________________ _ _ _

my name is kader and i need to chill out like seriously.

Judas Priest/Metalogy Box Set Disc 1-4 [Disc 3]

Disc 3:

Riding On The Wind—-Yet another Priest classic that is known by millions. A huge live crowd favorite, the son plays very well live. The song has a huge sound in the studio format…the drums are loud and in your forehead…the vocal is piercing and un relentless. The guitars attack you from all sides….this all equals a huge, unforgettable metal classic!

Bloodstone—-Yet another of the un-appreciated songs that would land on my ‘forever’ playlist, the song begins rather slow. The guitars are the star early on, and the drums enter the fray. When Rob comes on the scene, the sound of the song is already cemented and he only adds to the lines that the instruments have already set. The voice manages to hit some highs that are classic and unforgettable. This is under appreciated and under played…classic British Heavy Metal.

You’ve Got Another Thing Comin’—-Another of the worldwide known hits of the band, te sound and tone of the track is unremarkable in the realm of available Metal in the 80’s. The song does have a huge anthem like quality that you cannot escape, but the sound is too much like every other ‘big’ song that the band produced. The voice is remarkable and makes the song classic…I could never hear this again and be ok…but that is just me.

Devil’s Child—-Now, this is more like the Priest that I loved back in the day. The song has all the trademark levels of sound, but still sounds fresh and different. The guitar is more bass driven and deeper….the drums are faster and more in your face. The voice is classic Metal without being overblown and commercial. This is a great driving song that plays well in huge arenas or in your living room. Fantastic!!!

Freewheel Burnin’—-Immediately, the tone of the song is more brutal and pronounced than anything the band had produced. The guitars and drums are lightning fast and the vocal is blistering. Halford spits lyrics at the speed of sound and still retains an intensity and tone that is incredible. The screams that come from this man are almost superhuman and it is amazing to hear a really good version f this song. The intensity of the song never lets up for a moment and as it ends you are wasted in a sweaty lump. WOW!!!!

Jawbreaker—-This is yet another way underappreciated song that never fails to excite me upon the first few chords of the intro. the vocal of Halford makes the song an entity of its own…the chorus manages to become the song all on its own. The verses remain in that ultra fast delivery that would later make the band groundbreaking in the US. The guitars are almost more powerful than the voice, delivering a song all of their own….incredible!!!

The Sentinel—-A huge opus that opened many a live show also, the song gives the guitars a nice intro as Rob get ready to sing. The vocal is piercing and super-human. How a man can sing like that at an extended amount of time is amazing to me….let alone for 30 plus years. This song is classic in sound and defined mid 80’s Heavy Metal. Nice!!!

Love Bites [Live]—-Over blown and over rated, I really do not like this song. Halford seems uninspired and the track on a musical level seems to be treading water….next….

Eat Me Alive—-Much more Metal based and full in sound, Halford delivers the same elements of the previous song in a much more acceptable way. The song is overt and homosexual…everything metal wasn’t but was at a basic level. This is classic….the guitars are huge and the drums pummel your brain….give me a bottle of poppers and a dark back room and you define heaven.

Some Heads Are Gonna Roll—-The band tried to copycat all of the popular sounds of the time with this song and scored really well with most audiences. The song combines many of the 80’s Metal sounds…at the onset, the song reminds me of the Scorpions, only the vocals save the song from obscurity…never a high point with me, the song still sounds rather fresh as I listen back on it.

Rock Hard Ride Free—-Again, the song combines the pseudo Scorpions/Van Halen sounds that were so popular at the time. Only the voice saves the song from being another typical mid-80’s rock song. Halford still seems inspired despite the lackluster delivery of Tipton and Downing. The chorus is huge and made for the arena shows of the time.

Night Comes Down—-Returning to a more blues inspired delivery, the band still sounds a tad too generic for my taste. The chorus is a grand affair that will remind you of bands like Whitesnake or Dio. The guitar downshift throughout the song set for a different sound though and this makes the song special. The background vocal overlays show you that Halford can still scream with the best of them….listen for them…way in the backdrop. The production is masterful.

Turbo Lover—-Let me start by saying…no one except me liked the Turbo record….I literally adored this release. The band needed to expand and set it self apart and I think that they produced a really good record. This track, a tad bit overblown is by no means my favorite but has some really nice qualities. Halford delivers a relaxed and erotic vocal without going over the top and the band has expanded it’s base to include a more updated sound. I did not find this distasteful as so many fans did.

Private Property—-The song begins with a heavy synthesized sound, that takes nothing away from the anthemic qualities of the song. I love this song…it is full of empowerment and fit right in with the whole Beastie Boys Fight For You Right To Party theme. This song was a great pair with the next song…it all fit a thematic feel….

Parental Guidance—-Another song full of the anthem qualities at the time. The song is much more organic and electric with little of the effects that are heard throughout this release. The sing a long chorus makes for a perfect arena song and ar the time, Priest was playing huge arenas. The song has a fun almost Twisted Sister feel to it that would provide lots of fun for video afficiandos…if only!!!

Out In The Cold—-My very favorite song from the ‘Turbo’ release, and on my top ten list, I have loved this opus of a song from the very first listen. The song does have a synthesized guitar sound but the feel still remains huge and epic. You can almost see the lasers fighting through the fog as the lights swirl around the stage and catch the atmosphere. The build-up is almost too much to take as you wait for the first true metal sounds to emerge. You are not disappointed as the song opens up and becomes huge. The voice is full of emotion and feeling, the music at times reminding you of Hagar era Van Halen….this is a huge song that will sweep you up. The voice gets more and more emotive as the song continues, and you are not let down as Halford proves he still has what it takes. This is classic epic metal.

Heart Of A Lion [Demo]—-This song eventually landed on the live Halford release as a bonus track. The sound is rough and uninspired. The guitars sound foreign and the vocal is weak and not really there. A waste of space….for me.

**** out of 5

Friday Wisdom & Such

First off, here are two ads that I think are amazing:

Secondly, Obama Campaign Aside (Thanks Ken), I Have Some Advice For Reluctant, Hesitant, Ignorant, Brands: & The Rest Of The Universe (Marketers Take Note)

Dear Universe: Email Marketing Is DEAD. D-E-A-D DEAD. Eaten By Worms & Resorbed Into The Internet From Whence It Came. Accept It!!!!

When’s the last time you received an email from a store and that actually motivated you to get off your ass and go to the outlet or even spend money on their website. Social Media has slain the Monster of Direct Email Marketing. Not That It Doesn’t Have It’s Spammy Counterparts – Auto-DMs, Facebook Messages From Branded Fan Pages…etc.

Here’s how it’s going to work – You Exist. Online. As Long As I’m AWARE of where you exist (which is another matter altogether), rest assured, if i want to be updated on your company news, I’ll opt it by subscribing to your twitter feed, read your blog, or fan you on Facebook. And then I’ll visit you when I decide. Not the other way around. End Of Story. Disagree with me all you want, it won’t make you any righter.  And if it’s not clear that this is the future you’re resisting, just give it a few months.

Brands that don’t embrace Social Media as a way to reach their goals (no, you don’t have to give up) will fail. The purpose of, and results once generated by, email marketing, can still be accomplished – Except now through this new and scary interface call the interwebs. Traditional BROADCAST Advertising still has it’s place. But Email just isn’t one of those. In My Mind, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this way -  An Email from McDonald or Starbucks or  The Gap (I haven’t thankfully, I’m just arbitrarily choosing widely recognized brands for argument’s sake) is equivolent to the spam I receive about Acai Berry Weight Loss, Penis Enlargement Pills, And Cheap Watches – Garbage.

And I’m being nicer than I should – I’m 24, I’ve seen successful email marketing. But try emailing a 15 year old & they’ll laugh at you. That’s not how people engage brands anymore. Truth. Statistics be damned.

On a less frustrated note, here are some awesome reads you should definitely check out:

Times’ David Pogue blurs journalism lines

Death by Social Media

Social Media Marketing Strategy

Six Reasons Companies Are Still Scared of Social Media

Three Top Ways to Damage Your Brand With Social Media

Firing housekeepers creates PR mess for Hyatt

Have A Fantastical Weekend

dunk on your face maybe

“can you slam dunk?”

Sigh. What do you say to this? I am really open to suggestions. If you can tell me what I am supposed to say in response to things like this please let me know. And if you were to ask me this question, what exactly are you looking for in an answer? “Well of course I can slam dunk, why do you think I work in the mall!”

From time to time I like to search the web for tall. Tall people, tall things, tall whatever. The other day I found a website www.tallcorina.com and I was thinking “oh cool, another tall girl with a blog and stuff!” I was wrong. After consulting with some friends (and realizing $14.95 a month to be in her club was a little strange) I discovered it was a pornographic website. I don’t really know what to think about this…..  I guess there are a lot of tall fetish freaks out there…..
AND THEN! I found this website http://ariannecohen.com/ and it really is a website about being Tall! I’m so excited!

Oh. My.

I really don’t know what else to say except to state the facts: an Indonesian woman gave birth to a 19 pound baby this week.  19 pounds. Let that sink in for a minute.  That’s a one-year-old (or, a 9 month old, in the case of one or more of my children).  Here’s a link to a funny article and a picture of the monster baby, whose mama has diabetes, which is the reason for his size.

She did have a c-section, in case you were wondering.

Altså...

Ante fred, og ingen fare, da jeg dro meg ut av sengen klokken 06.00 morges, men dagen skulle tydeligvis bli hakke mer dramatisk enn jeg liker.

Haukeland er jo som oftes bare koselig, og jeg liker egentlig ganske godt å sulle rundt der med vaskekosten, men i dag var jeg på barneposten hvor det ventet en liten overraskelse i form av to, sikkert hyggelige, damer i klovnekostyme. De følte seg sikkert kjempe snille som skulle underholde barna, men ÆRLIG TALT!!! Er det ingen der ute som tenker på at ikke alle liker klovner??? Synes dette blir litt det samme som å slippe løs masse edderkopper forran en med edderkopp fobi, eller stenge en med klaustrofobi inne i en heis. Altså!

Joda, kanskje dette var litt dramatisk av meg, men la meg forklare: “Du vet den følelsen du får om du går alene on natten, det er bekmørk og du innbiller det at noen eller noe forfølger deg? Du vet at det mest sannsynlig ikke er noe å bekymre seg for, men frysningene kryper alikevell oppover ryggen og du føler deg stiv og nesten litt kvalm???… Dette er følelsen jeg får av klovner.

Ovenfor kan du se Marianne Aulie sine berømte klovne bilder, og man kan trygt si at jeg ikke vill ha noe slikt på veggen (Though, jeg liker Aulie sin stil litt)…

WHO THE EFF DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL ME WHETHER OR NOT I AM GOOD ENOUGH?

Much of this is just a rant : D BUT I really hope this helps people realize they’re fantastic and that they don’t need someone else’s ok! I hope this helps people realize, “I don’t need to walk on eggshells anymore.”

So, today I had the greatest day in my life : D I met RYAN SHECKLER! However, it’s not about him right now : P This is about a revelation.  This is about an email I received today. In it, there were VARIOUS recipients. It was a mass email.  I personally LOVE the “reply all” button.  There are some people who LOATHE it!

So, my friends and I were just catching each other up on certain matters.  I pressed “reply all” and “send”.  Every time I send an email through Yahoo! mail I receive a receipt page telling me that my email was sent and who it was sent to.  I noticed on this list I sent it to a girl who DESPISES ME! I panicked.  A LARGE percentage of my last year in high school was about pleasing her! Really!

Side note: hasn’t there been someone in your life who you just TRIED to please? BUT, no matter what you did, it never seemed enough.  Like you try to make her or him laugh but IN THEIR EYES, they have laughed harder? This is someone you were constantly trailing behind on eggshells but NEVER been good enough in their eyes???

Well, tonight I learned, “WHO THE EFF DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL ME WHETHER OR NOT I AM GOOD ENOUGH?”

So, I brought up that side note because this person who despises me is someone who has constantly treated me poorly! This person has belittled me. When I sound uneducated, I hear your snide remarks.  This person has made me wish I never existed but I realized WHATEVER! Ha ha ha! I know.  What a mature answer!

So, at this moment in time, there is a very slim chance that I will see her again!  Maybe we will see each other for every major holiday.   HOWEVER, what it boils down to is that, I will never see her when it matters! I’ve realized I DO NOT CARE! What makes her better than me? I can think of superficial ways she is better than me! She’s smarter…..she has a very funny sense of humor…and she speaks in a very well-educated manner.

BUT what do I have to offer the world that she does not? LOVE! [ha. How does that help you? Have you hear of the ripple effect? Pay it forward? The domino effect? I send someone love and that makes them want to spread love to more people and then slowly it just spreads like JAM : D] LAUGHS! [I have to ADMIT that she is so much funnier than I am AND I don’t feel distressed admitting to it! It’s the truth. I can’t live in a fantasy world forever where I am like the MOST HILARIOUS person in the world! I’m not and I know that BUT I do my best to make someone smile] Help! [Everyone needs a hand once in awhile.  This person I am talking about is only helpful to her IMMEDIATE circle of friends.] A QUARKY PERSONALITY! [you know that person in the middle of the street who does the weirdest thing just to make people laugh or think…that’s me! I am just a curious clown!] The list goes on.

Anyway, in my eyes, I have more to offer this world than her.  To me, the little things in life match the big things. And I need to understand that everyone has the right to their own opinion and I shouldn’t let glares and snide remarks BOTHER ME! I realize this self-loathing needs to stop because am I living for her or am I living for me? Is she going to take care of me [I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE SHE DOES NOT CARE FOR ME IN THE FUTURE]? Will she pay my bills?

Do I want to be crabby all the time and to myself LIKE HER or do I want to be the HAPPY, PEPPY, and OH SO CARING PERSON I LOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEE TO BE?

I don’t want to be anyone but me. If this person, who doesn’t see the GREATNESS in me, doesn’t like me, that’s fine! You WANT to leave and give me glares from your corner and talk all the crap you want about me, go ahead! Have a party! INVITE ALL MY CLOSEST FRIENDS! INVITE MY FAMILY! MAKE IT LIVE! EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING YOU WANT!

In the end, my family and my REAL friends will stand by my side. Not only will I be with them BUT I will still be the sweet/caring person I am AND keep my arms open and welcoming.

Anyway, I can honestly still say that I really like her company! She’s SUPER SUPER SUPER funny! BUT, if she wants to “hate on me”, she can go find another punching bag because I’m not taking crap from her any longer.  She’s not going to control the way I send emails. I will send them to whoever I DARN WELL PLEASE AND HOWEVER I DARN WELL PLEASE!

I love the way I am : D

***If you’re reading this and you know who you are, you should know that I love your humor.  You’re a really great person when you’re not a jerk and I only send love.  AND YOU DRESS EXTREMELY WELL! AND YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL.  In this blog, I probably sound like a pansy but really I just want you to know it’s not right the way you treat others! And, if you continue to treat people like crap, you’re only going to get crap in return!  Sorry! I will keep you in my prayers! I forgive you for treating me like crap : D I hope the best for you because the way you’re going, your future doesn’t look good! [[Oh, Tyler Perry! What CAN’T YOU TEACH!?!?! YOU NEED A CARTOON HOMIE!]]

Oh, and this is NOT! NOT! NOT! A break-up letter or whatever. Ha ha ha! It is seriously about me and someone I would consider a friend <3

Amusing News about Boleh-land

“Netizens argue over the origin of dishes after M’sia plans to stake claim“

This was one the articles in the local papers. Instead of reporting on more serious issues (i.e. social woes among Penans, who’s bombing who etc.), we get very entertaining news like this, reflecting on the amount of ignorance our ministers have. Really, they surely do realise that what they say during a press conference or an opening of an event would be all over the internet, which means it’ll be broadcasted to the rest of the world, right? Why play with fire when you don’t have enough wood to continue fueling it, but instead get extinguished by bucket loads of water?

This is just one of the many articles I find thoroughly amusing, appearing in our local papers. I shall post up all links from now on, relating to my country, which I find highly amusing.

Terrorism with two elves who spit

All you need is love... And a cigarette after.

The ballad of Poppy McCoy and Coya McPop is a nice song and it would be very interesting if you heard about it, because I’ve just composed it this morning, in the bath. Maybe you have heard me, over the Atlantic, and the beauty of it just made you to be ready to read this post. Which is a small love story of two incredible ugly elves. I allowed them to live a decent hidden life on my refrige and, to be honest, I am ready for several good days to share my proudness for my kindness with you.
I just asked them to pee from time to time in the soup of my neighbours, during the night. Which is a fair deal, I suppose.

  Let introduce them first.
He is 50% an Irish guy and 50% a Congo guy. Just because his mother, the famous witch Balooba Foofoosh loved a full season set of actors from Kunta Kinte movie.
She had to use a lot of incantations to make possible the sex between her, a being of about 8 inches tall, and a   pretty solid guy of about 120 kilos harmoniously distributed around his genital organ.
Miss Coya McPop was born somewhere in a station of the New York railway. She lost her parents at age of about 20 minutes, because they just get the very first train after the little Coya was succesfully ejected. She heard that her mother was an unlucky russian fairy, while her father, called Abdul Zaziz, was a mad genie looking all the time for his lost lamp. She didn’t ever meet them, and she used to say about this: Grrroohm upzuli fahum!. A good translation from elf’s language could be Fuck them now / with my charmed saw!
Two young elves trained hard to survive in a cold, tough world.

  Poppy McCoy and Coya McPop have met some good years ago, while he was trying to spit on all windows from a skyscraper of 142 floors. At floor #132 he was almost ready to quit, when she, the pure and always smiling Coya, appeared and gently said to him:
Hi, champ! Please let me to continue your honorable work!.
Hummm. Ok!, said Poppy, and he enjoyed a lot to see how his future girlfriend started to spit all around from floor #132 up to the anthena from the roof.
When all the roof was covered by a layer of about 5 inches of spit, Poppy said, full of joy:
I love you!, and she said I love you too!. And they’ve gone in honeymoon somewhere in South America. It seems that in that period the Amazon increased with several good inches, which should be a clear sign that the two young elves had a real good time.

  In that morning I was drinking my coffe, looking with a sad feeling at the refrigerator. It was two weeks since the memorable moment when I had good reasons to open its door, to take the last beer from it. But soon, I thought, good times should come again.
There are only ten days more until   the shinny day of salary would come, I said to myself, ready to accept an Oscar for the role of the good guy starving full of dignity.
Of course, it was a lie. That salary would come after three years, when I planned to start to work. But, you know, sometimes is nice to lie and to be lied.

Suddenly, a voice around said:
Hi, boss!
Get lost, Darius!, I said, believing that it is my dog begging again for some food.
Why are you so grumpy, boss? You should celebrate the miracle that they didn’t detonate the atomic bomb. Yet. Be happy, dance, sing and make sex, boss! You are really lucky to be still alive!
That moment I realised that actually this is true. More than that, it should not be Darius the one that was speaking, simply because Darius doesn’t care about atomic bombs. Actually, he use to detonate one per each damn hour, and even often in the days when I cook beans food.
Then I saw them. Two small elves looking around for a good place to be targeted. It was pretty clear that I had in my house a new terrible weapon, the spit bomb! Two bombs, to be more exactly (I loved math, once upon a time…)
Who are you guys, and why do you spit all the time?, I asked, with a very scientifical approach in scratching my nose.
We are Poppy McCoy and Coya McPop and we spit because it’s funny.
Hummmm…!, I thought, ….interesting, I will try it myself later.
Ok. Be it your way. Here it’s the deal: you can stay on my refrigerator the next four centuries, without any rent pay. Instead, you have to spit in whatever direction I want.

This way I got two elves who spit for me.
My target for tomorrow will be the Pentagon. Of course, for one billion bucks I can forget about it and target Moscow instead. …You know what?!, let it be only two bucks. Deal?

Because the life is tough
We fart and pee enough.
Because we love to blink
We pee and sing and drink.
(Hannibal 'Retarded' Hurricane, the champ of wrestling.
Poem was firstly read when he got the Pulitzer. From an
old guy who had a heart-attack in a railway station.)

 

(c) marius09.wordpress.com

   

(c) 2009 marius09.wordpress.com

Happy fall equinox

Tuesday, September 22, 2009, is the first day of fall, one of my favorite seasons. But it sure doesn’t seem like autumn in the Pacific Northwest because the anticipated high temperature today is ninety degrees! That doesn’t seem like a change to me. Fall weather is usually crisp and cool, chilly enough for a sweater in the morning and cold enough at night for blankets on the bed, although not quite nippy enough for flannel sheets.

These high temperatures in fall give thermophobics something else to fret about in life. By the way, there really is a word and an actual medical condition for fear of the heat: thermophobia. Of course, a fellow thermophobic let me know that. I wouldn’t say I have a fear of the heat, more of a dislike for it. Hot weather is not something that I look forward to. It probably has something to do with too many heat-related brushes with skin cancer, sleepless nights, and long rides home on buses with no air conditioning. Of course, come February we thermophobics will likely be whining about the cold weather and the rain. C’est la vie.

 

© J. L. Bates and chezjlb.wordpress.com, 2009.  See Copyright Page for complete information.

Nothing sweeter than these!

That is a wedding scene from Grey’s Anatomy Season 5 I think. Please listen carefully to what Alex is saying there… Sweeeet… I did shed some tears actually ;D

Alex: No, wait. I have something I wanna say. Today’s the day my life begins. All my life I’ve been just me. Just a smart mouth kid. Today I become a man. Today I become a husband. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. Today I become accountable to you. To our future. To all the possibilities that a marriage has to offer. Together, no matter what happens, I’ll be ready. For anything. For everything. To take on life, to take on love. To take on possibility and responsibility. Today Izzie Stevens, our life together begins. And I for one can’t wait.

This is another sweet scene, from the same season, and followed by the scene I wrote above. In this scene, Derek McDreamy and Meredith Grey were about to go to the city hall to commit their marriage vow, but somehow they need to postpone it, for Izzie and Alex. Look at them, how cute!

Imminent End of Season Rantings

Title says it all.

Among those that I follow, first to finish was Aoi Hana, then Umi Monogatari and Tokyo Magnitude 8.0. Even Hayate no Gotoku has ended. (I don’t consider Suzumiya Haruhi no Yūutsu since it ended in 2006, not 2009.)

Soon to follow would be other series I love, eg 07-Ghost, Bakemonogatari, CANAAN, Pandora Hearts, Saki, Spice and Wolf II, and Umineko no Naku Koro ni. Meanwhile, Cross Game, GA: Geijutsuka Art Design Class, Kanamemo, Needless, and Sora no Manimani are “ok” series that I will miss too. Element Hunters, Taishō Yakyū Musume, Valkyria Chronicles and Yoku Wakaru Gendai Mahō though…

Maybe I should get started on Guin Saga, Kemono no Sou-ja Erin, Phantom ~Requiem for the Phantom~, and Shangri-La soon. Then I can continue lying to myself that the season is not over yet. At least Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood is still ongoing.

Ending this ranting with a teaser pic from Saki.

Do Blog Tours Live Up to The Hype?

Daughter Am I, my latest novel, will soon to be released by Second Wind Pubishing, so I have to start planning a blog tour if I’m going to do one. I hear so much about how great they are — mostly from the major publishers who don’t want to spend the money to send their authors on an unvirtual tour — that I wonder if blog tours do anything for an unknown author. I know the most popular book blogs do help get the word out, but if one can’t get a guest spot on those blogs, is it still worth doing a tour? And is there any real difference between doing a formal tour and doing guest spots on a few blogs?

In case I decide that a blog tour is worth all the work, would you be willing to be a host?

Daughter Am I is a young woman/old gangsters coming of age tale that is being sold as mainstream, though it could just as easily be classified as a mystery.

When twenty-five-year-old Mary Stuart learns she inherited a farm from her recently murdered grandparents—grandparents her father claimed had died before she was born—she becomes obsessed with finding out who they were and why someone wanted them dead. Along the way she accumulates a crew of feisty octogenarians—former gangsters and friends of her grandfather. She meets and falls in love Tim Olson, whose grandfather shared a deadly secret with her great-grandfather. Now Mary and Tim need to stay one step ahead of the killer who is desperate to dig up that secret.

: : : : : : : : : :

TGIL

Atter en helt vanlig lørdag på Byaasen.

Sjampis. UTE! -i hagen til naboen. Innvielse av platten, beskuelse av muren (som har spotter og glassbyggerstein..) og prøvesitting av de nye hagemøblene. Jeg hadde egentlig tenkt og bare slumre på sofaen og se Skal Vi Danse, men det ble ikke sånn. Naboen ringte litt utpå og lurte på hvor vi ble av??! Når jeg går ut på verandaen ser jeg jo at naboen allerede er laaaangt nede i sjampisflaske nr 2. Her var det bare og hive på seg ullundertøyet, fylle kurven med sjampis og strækkeri, ta pleddet under armen og løpe over til naboen. kl 03.30 gikk jeg hjem -som den første. Om vi ser bort fra verten.

Weekend.

I’ve been trying to study for the Forecasting exam but is finding it difficult to sit still. I attended Nick’s 21st last night and was with very good company. The food prepared by Nick’s Mum was fantastic and I had a great evening. Once again, I am so grateful for all the wonderful people who I have become great friends with in PASS. The more 21st Birthdays I attend, the more I look forward to my own.

Going to see Up later today! Hopefully it’d be good! I’m yet to be disappointed by a Pixar film.

I am beginning to feel that you are treating me differently. I guess its hard for you to see it from my side and its hard for you to stay neurtal. But one incident does not completely emblemise who I am as a person and the things that I have done. I’m annoyed and sad.

A NEW POST

go baby go baby, yeahhhh, we’re right behind you~

For a certain someone, dear to my heart, and close physically, because I stalk her.

Right, half a weekend gone, what to do with the remaining time?

(you guessed it, listy timezzzzz)

 

[] Motion h/q (yesss, rufus, the homework you have put off for 2 weeks)

[] Harder 3U you have put off as well

[] A 4U HSC paper?

[] Attend Church meeting

[] read all of my eco notes

[] talk to reno about Literary Luncheon.

[] English essay….becuase I can?

[] see if I still fit in my luncheon dress. I still fit into my Yr 10 formal dress surprisingly. XD

[]USyd app

[] figure out which number goes where for the UNSW Co-op app

[] XDDDDDDDDDDDD

[] can we switch Boys day with Gossip Girl Day?? I don’t have a boy’s school uniform. =/

 

ON MONDAY:

[] take report to photocopy, three times

[] photocopy school reference, once

[] photocopy USyd app, three times

[] reborrow the economic books

 

LATER IN OUR LIFE:

[] CAMMMMERA TIEMZZ

 

<3

 

I believe it is all coming to an end | oh well i guess we can just pretend

Today.

Today was one of those days when you wake up after dreaming about being back home (and eating satay, of all things). It was one of those days when you make yourself get out of bed, and put on your black tank top and blue jeans because you can’t be bothered to pick out anything more interesting. It was a day of forgetting – having to turn back three times for various forgotten things (and once for something you thought you forgot, but had all along). It was a day of reaching the bus stop just as the bus is leaving, filling out forms wrong, and getting annoyed at things that don’t really matter.

It was just one of those days – and I’m glad it’s over.

I think he is talking about me

I chanced upon a PDF file sent by my supplier and found it hilarious yet feeling bitter.

This is what he wrote:

Get Some Help

Social media and marketing have a large reach however some companies treat social media as something that can be done by the guy in marketing who writes a blog and have 400 Facebook friends.

Tips ( alot but i only wrote two )

1. A badly executed social media campagin will at best die at a quiet death. Worst case scenario you will be talk of the town.
2. Get help from an agency

Yes i have indeed tried to create something in facebook BUT it is the very first step to allow company to visualize how a facebook campaign will feel like. If i dont think that it CAN BE done, will the company believes in the product?  We didnt treat social media as SOMETHING. It is very important to us that is why we attend your social media marketing course. In case you don’t know,  the company is finally taking a big step to shift their attention to digital spaces and social media.

Hence, I am getting help now from YOU because i have the investment budget now.

Am i a little bit sensitive??

Guy – check

Writes Blog – not till he sent that

400 Friends – check

2/3 criteria .. hence, i think he is talking about me. *rant rant rant*

What missile defense shield?

I really didn’t want this to be a political blog.  God knows there are enough of those out there in www.land.  Honestly, I’m not even qualified to give my opinion on most of the political rhetoric anyway.  I just wanted this to be a blog where I could come to voice my opinion about some of the crazy stuff going on in the world today.  Turns out that political craziness is leading the pack.

Anyway, as I read the news this morning and saw that President Obama had abandoned plans to build the European missile defense shield, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness for our allies.  Allies who are working with us on the war against terror and who were anticipating our assistance, and who with the flick of his pen, our President made the snap decision to let down.

I understand that his decision was probably financially motivated (has he made any decisions that weren’t financially motivated?) but seriously, there are more important things to worry about besides money.   One thing would be the safety of our allies and that of our family and friends who are abroad, as well as our military.  So, Obama is trying to save money? Why now? After all the money he’s spent so far since he’s been in office, why even worry about more expenditures?

Perhaps Obama’s decision wasn’t financially motivated.  Maybe he believes that by halting the missile defense shield program, the Russians will soon worship him like the liberal sheep in America seem to do (and no, I’m not racist).  And maybe he thinks when he has Prime Minister Putin and President Medvedev in his pocket, we will all congratulate him for improving Russian relations.  Could he really be that misguided in his beliefs?  Who knows.  While Obama and the Russians are celebrating together today, the rest of the European community feels abandoned and left behind.

Seriously, the shield probably wasn’t needed anyway and yeah, we will save a ton of money by not constructing it – but at what cost?  Is saving billions really worth losing the support of two of our most-loyal NATO allies, all the while encouraging rogue nations to advance in directions that could have potentially grave consequences?  The Kremlin may be celebrating today but does anyone really know what they have in mind for the future?  If this move makes them perceive us as a weak nation, does Obama really believe that the Russians will support us in our fight against the Iranian nuclear threat?

On behalf of the people in the US that don’t support President Obama’s decision today, I would just like to apologize to our friends in the Czech Republic and Poland.  I hope our president’s decision today doesn’t put too much of a strain on our good relations, and I really hope he follows through with his promise to develop alternative (and cheaper) methods of preventing missile attacks.

In the wise words of Henry Kissinger, “We cannot always assure the future of our friends; we have a better chance of assuring our future if we remember who our friends are.“

In case you missed it, here is Senator McCain’s take on the issue.

Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle to end on 7 Oct

Wow, it’s been a really long ride since the manga first began in 2003, but it seems like Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle will be concluding on 7 Oct, according to ANN and the CLAMP website. That leaves us with just 3 more weeks to tie up all the loose ends, and I’m really interested in seeing what CLAMP plans to do about it, after the revelation of the past of clone/original Syaoran/Sakura that left readers with a big headache, the disappearance of Yuuko from xxxHOLIC that left some fans in tears, Watanuki’s realisation of his connection to the 2 Syaorans (yet to be covered in xxxHOLIC), and his declaration that they all have to return to where they should belong.

Now I have another reason to look forward to 7 Oct, apart from just Sasameki Koto.

And does that mean the third and final season for Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle anime will be coming out soon?!

Spider Bites Maybe?,

sucks to get your foot bittne by a spider or whatever.

クモだかなんだかに足の裏噛まれるのツライよ。

left feet. the red mark became longer then last night.

左足。あの赤いスジ、昨日より長くなってる。

and left heel. its hard to see, but its there.

そして左カカト。見にくいけど、あるのよ。

now to the right feet.

お次は右足。

and my right arm.

そして俺の右腕。

those marks left by some intruder of the house… its swollen and hard…

侵入者共が残した傷…腫れてるしなんだか硬い…

motha fwaka next time i see you mang…

テメーくっそガキ覚えとけよ…

Full Circle

“Who is Jennyspeaks?”

I first posed myself that question some two years ago, on a greasy Wednesday night. As I sat in front of the computer, fingers hovering the keyboard, there was a tinge of nervous excitement gnawing me inside. After all, it was my maiden foray into this strange activity called “blogging”. Besides, I had inherited my mother’s anti-technology genes, which only made me wary of anything electronic.

But with that question, I was free to pave the way for who I was going to be. I could single-handedly sculpt this character through my posts. I was going to have this faceless, anonymous, virtual mouthpiece. And with it I could let loose the many ideas, emotions and thoughts that were writhing around in my head.

When I finished the “answer key“ in my first post, I was smugly satisfied. I was pleased that I had managed to condense my very self into 320 words. I was also pretty sure that this was the real me, the unchanging Jennyspeaks, the young and restless lass who would be like that forever and ever, amen.

Of course that was rubbish. That answer key quickly became obsolete.

Some two years and 99 posts later, a very different Jennyspeaks is here before you.

In the weeks leading up to my 2nd year Blogging Anniversary (a personal achievement, something to be celebrated, for someone who has never quite gotten over her fear over HTML), I was rootling around my Archives.

After looking through my old posts, I had only one conclusion: Jennyspeaks was f**king awesome. (This may not be a very reliable assessment considering that I am Jennyspeaks.)

But the point is. This blog has seen me evolve from a bipolar crow on amphetamines to a cynical depressive to a ??? now. In its posts I have confided terrible secrets and morbid emotions that I never had the courage to tell anyone about (including God). In typical no-holds barred fashion I have rattled off about everything from constipation to Amy Winehouse. I always prided myself as being a private person, but it is really ironic how this public space made me open up. These archives have now become precious and dear to me, because every single word I’ve uttered reminds me of what I was, and how far I’ve come.

And the thing that kept me going even on my lowest of days was the comments I received. Some of them made sense, some of them didn’t. But they all mattered anyway. It was affirming to get a comment from someone I didn’t know, because it reminded me that somewhere out there in our disconnected world, someone was listening to what I had to say.

Two years ago, I promised that I would continue the “answer key” as to who Jennyspeaks really was. I think it’s high time that I confront that question again.

Question: Who is Jennyspeaks?

Answer:

Jennyspeaks used to be a complex girl with complex wants and needs. Today she is still (if not more) complex, but has greatly simplified her wants and needs. Her bisexual tendencies have remained largely dormant since and she is happy about that.

She is still Eurasian and her parentage has not been altered. However while she used to not give a shit about her heritage, she now has a mild cultural/identity crisis.

Jennyspeaks’ faith in her maker has definitely become stronger since.

She has completely forgotten how to play the bass and the guitar, thanks to years of nerd-dom. She has not strummed a guitar ever since a steel string burst in her face while attempting to tune it. She is not in any musical group but has quietly penned several tunes since, on a voice recorder.

She believes that she isn’t racist. She hasn’t had a situation so far where she can test that belief.

She continues to hang out at the same old pigsty of an apartment block called her home. And it’s still cool.

Jennyspeaks has ceased having unhealthy obsessions over Green Day, much less any rock band. She just enjoys music and has a few favourites. Such as Green Day.

Jennyspeaks no longer aspires rock-stardom. In other words, she has become sensible and boring. Her sensible and boring career options journalism and broadcast media. She still hopes to brush up on her musical skills so that she can play music as a hobby. But secretly she hopes to be a writer.

(You are probably aware by now that this is a nerd speaking).

Jennyspeaks has reached the stage where she accepts that she cannot have a Gisele Bundchen figure and so she has stopped bothering about diets and calorie counting. She tries to exercise and maintain a figure that does not revolt people. She is content to be small, bite-sized and on the fleshy side.

She would still play catching, hide-and-seek and Old Maid… if only there was anyone who’d be willing to play with her.

Don’t bother totalling up your marks to see if you passed or failed the question. This answer key doesn’t prove anything because there’s no way you can compress an individual into a set amount of words. What’s written here today might be obsolete tomorrow… Who knows?

Chrysalis/Fable

Glenn mentioned this some months  (some many months) back.  I’ve been looking for it, Bro, but my stuff is not all that organized.  It wasn’t in any of the back issues of the Carson-Newman little magazine that I have, although I seem to have lost more along the way than I still have.

So, this wasn’t in the last place I looked for it, but the last place I was looking for something else.

By request, from 1964, then

FABLE

The butterfly

slowly, haltingly emerged,

crept from the chrysalis.

Moist, soft,

with wings still pliant,

still folded

into a small, tight chrysalis shape.

It stepped and held and opened its wings

and beat the air

harder, harder, still harder and faster.

The wings became dry and stiff and strong.

And the butterfly looked all about at the world,

which was beautiful,

and it was conscious of itself and knew its own beauty.

Never before existed such a butterfly.

Its wings were redder than ever a ruby;

they were the color of hard-spurting blood.

Its body was golden

and on its wings were symbols of gold,

pure and glowing

as stormwashed sunset.

It was unique in the world and beautiful.

Then it stretched its wings and flew high

and explored the breeze, low

and tasted a mountain laurel

with leaves in the dark, cool shadow sleek and green

and flowers of pink cream, sweet in the stream-bank sunlight.

And the butterfly was captured, swiftly, in a net.

It was killed and examined and sketched and catalogued,

And in textbooks its picture was given to exemplify

Mutation.

It was studied with cool scientific care:  neat and sharp steel

needles, precisely polished lenses.

Then it was filed

In dusty glass in a back room

and forgotten among crushed cardboard boxes,

Until an undergraduate, searching in the dim room, happened

to glance at the case, which was one among many,

a glance somewhat compassionate,

And he saw that the symbols spoke clear as the

Gold.

And he read,

I am Psyche:  I am soul.

stuck

it is amazing how that last, tiny bit you have to write always takes just about as long as the remaining bits put together. i have been horrendously stuck for several days now, and no amount of housework or standing in the shower for long periods helps.

the cheerleaders across the tracks appear to be away this summer, and in their place, sturdy young men playing the taiko day and night (interspersed with hearty, hormonal shouts). it had been quite enjoyable to begin with, but two full days into it now… my head begs to differ. everything in moderation, thank you very much.

the glorious weather broke today – the first day of rain and gloom and doom since i returned to japan. but i would, still, rather be outdoors than sitting here, staring at my graphs and tables (beautiful as they are), attempting to finish something that should never have taken this long. just how am i going to make a career of this?

i will finish writing this tonight or die in the attempt (at the moment, the latter seems more likely). and then perhaps, stop watching tv for the next lifetime or so.

Storms a brewin'

It’s September and like many students, school has already begun to kick us in the arse. Recently I haven’t been posting here as much as I should but with a new focus for this year I’m hoping it will be different.

Currently sitting in lecture, my web essentials instructor mentioned shortlisting when it comes to portfolio work. That really got me to thinking about the work I create and who it really caters to. I’ve recently been creating pieces inspired by my yoga instructors. This is currently a WIP and will be completed SOON…BUT back to the point of shortlisting, I honestly wouldn’t know what to place into my portfolio. I was never very impressed with my own works and such but for those who are reading this at this moment..

What makes you proud of your own work?

There are so many inspirational people but yet, for me anyway, it becomes this kind of pressure in wanting to create pieces that meet a certain expectation and level that I cannot achieve just yet. I’ve grown to love the fact that I shouldn’t worry about who I want to impress but more so create a story but when does that road end? Does the ultimate “job” kill you of your “creativity” and personality of storytelling? I’ve begun to develop stories in my pieces but they’re more evocative than anything. Does that even work in a time like this? Where design, from a majority of people, are expected to be jazzy or very clean cut with helvetica.

What determines the worth of your work?

WIP, yes? I will be posting the “final” soon.

OTB Baby!

Soju (소주) in a box

It’s no secret that I love Mexican food or that my favorite chain in the US is On The Border. The fact that the franchise has two locations here in the Seoul area makes living here even better. On Saturday, September 19th, I’ll be doing some filming in Gangnam and then heading over to the COEX for a little OTB treat. If anyone is in the area and would like to join me for dinner and drinks at 6pm, let me know. I’d love to meet you.

Also, on another front… our school is expanding and looking to hire another Native English Teacher for the December 1st term. If you’d like to teach in Korea, have a Bachelor’s Degree, and n commit to a one year contract… let me know. Our school is awesome!

Finally, I found something interesting while visiting my local GS25 today. I’ve commented on the drinking culture in Korea in the past (and I will admit that I like it). What I sometimes forget to mention is that since open containers and public drinking is a way of life here, most convenient stores have tables out in front so that you may buy your booze and snacks and drink the night away in front for a relatively low cost. But I got a kick out of this… Jinro sells a 200ml version of it’s soju (시주) in a box. It’s about the size of a juice box and is easily transported. The thing that I don’t get, is that per milliliter, it’s more expensive than buying a full bottle. When I get home tonight from school, I’m going to pop the lid and give it a taste… I wonder how good it really is?

THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD

…is when you lie beside me and I can forget myself for a few hours.  I don’t want to think about all the tasks that await me, or the insurmountable obstacles that ring you like a barricade.  Instead, I want to dissolve, losing all sense of myself in a kiss that goes on for days.  Can I reach the very bottom of it or will it wind languidly on a never-ending trip, leading me to parts unknown but still strangely familiar?

It doesn’t matter because I will board that train and take it to the end of the line.  The uncertainty of the future doesn’t frighten me nearly as much as the possibility that it could be lost and never realized.  Why should I fret about the inconsequentials?  They shall be swept away, for I have seen what lies beyond and nothing save self-doubt can sabotage it.

What an exquiste surprise this journey has become.  I’m captivated by the beauty and complexity of its design, and thrilled that I no longer have to take the helm.  I only have to acknowledge that I’ve been chosen and then to participate wholeheartedly.

Is the the joining of you to me that is the end, or is it representative of my missing pieces coming together in joyful reunion?  It has been said that love cannot manifest between two if it does not first exist independently within each one.   If this is true, then my happiness is magnified a hundredfold for I know with absolute certainty that no matter the outcome, I shall be upheld.

First Date

JaN graciously offered to babysit Ava tonight so that Don and I could go on our first date. She’s 14.5 months old, so it’s definitely been some time since we’ve gone out and spent quality time alone.

Jeniffer gave us gift certificates a couple of years ago to Medieval Times. At that time I was pregnant and afraid that I would vomit from the smell of horse dung. Not that I was throwing up so much but my sense of smell was heightened. So we waited and waited and waited. Before you knew it, Ava was here. I wasn’t ready to part even for a couple of hours from Ava so I refused to go to Medieval Times. It took me a year before I was ready to go out and enjoy something without my daughter and not feel guilty or emotional.

I did go out one other time while my infant daughter was only two months old. I died on the inside and tried to force myself to have a good time. I had to fight all the tears from coming out. It was difficult for me.

Anyhow, date night. What a BLAST! Who knew this place could be so much fun?!

Don told me had been forced to go since childhood. I asked if I was forcing him to go tonight, he said no but in my head I had already thought that date night was gonna be a bust. I was sad but determined to have a good time regardless.

I was waiting for Don to be irritated from the lines or what not. I’m not sure. Just waiting for the negativity to come from him but he made no comments. I was silently happy.

We got in and the first thing we did was order drinks! Don got a beer and I, the Dragon’s Layer! DELICIOUS! It’s dangerous but I love it when alcoholic beverages don’t taste like alcohol. Just a whole lotta goodness!

We were seated shortly after and began our dinner and show. We were rooting for the Red Knight. It was so much fun cheering with our group of people!

I love live events! No matter what it is, I LOVE it! And I don’t know why but I had never put Medieval Times in the label of a live event. Live events for me in the past were anything at the Honda or Staples Center and the Edison Field. You know, something huge with a whole lotta people cheering.

I don’t think I put a lot of thought into what Medieval Times would be. Dinner and a show doesn’t sound like something huge. It just sounds like dinner and a movie. So it’s not the same thing as a live event. But OMG! Once you get there and get into the mood of the atmosphere and energy, it’s AWESOME!

Everyone cheers and waves their flags for their colored Knight. It’s a competition and it’s just fun. Watching sword fighting, jousting, etc. Everything with its story was entertaining. I enjoyed everything to the fullest and had even more fun because our Red Knight won the evenings competition. Seriously folks, it makes it that much better.

JaN did an excellent job of babysitting. Ava took her nap while we were gone. We were afraid she would go bonkers if she saw us leave. Since Ava naps for 1.5-2 hours, I thought they would only have to deal with a little bit of crying since our dinner was 2 hours long. (I put her down right before our reservation.) We were advised our daughter didn’t even notice we were gone. They apparently had a lot of fun together and babysitting was easy.

Thank goodness because we have another gift card!

[Via http://kwonsies.wordpress.com]

9.12 // A break from fashion week to talk about my real life

It seems crazy that right now in a city far, far away, Spring 2010 Fashion Week is going on. I live my life here – waving signs for an XC car wash, doing 5 subjects of homework, volunteering at a band fundraiser – then come home and dive into FW online. I go over the shows, browse the blogs, examine and store miscellaneous street style, and fervently wish that I could actually attend said events. Then I’m brought crashing back to reality by some mundane thing (laundry, showering) and realise that no, I’m not front row at Preen, I’m sitting in sweats in my room.

Oh, so today I found out my own mother didn’t know Chloe was “a whole house”. She thought Chloe was just perfume, because that’s all the Chloe she had (from about 15 years ago, at that). She commented that she’s never seen Chloe in any stores around here. Really, mom? I thought, you know, Target and JCP curried top designers all the time. Specialty boutiques? What? Psssh.

Sigh.

On another note, I got a professional discount offer from ELLE today in the mail. I already have a subscription, but still, it made me excited. So shoot me, I’m excited. I’m keeping the letter. Yes, I’m that much of a dork, but it’s cool. For a random teenage girl in the middle of nowhere, it’s cool.

OK. Off to do weights, shower, and go to sleep. Have a good weekend!

~ r

[Via http://bwchic.wordpress.com]