Much of this is just a rant : D BUT I really hope this helps people realize they’re fantastic and that they don’t need someone else’s ok! I hope this helps people realize, “I don’t need to walk on eggshells anymore.”
So, today I had the greatest day in my life : D I met RYAN SHECKLER! However, it’s not about him right now : P This is about a revelation. This is about an email I received today. In it, there were VARIOUS recipients. It was a mass email. I personally LOVE the “reply all” button. There are some people who LOATHE it!
So, my friends and I were just catching each other up on certain matters. I pressed “reply all” and “send”. Every time I send an email through Yahoo! mail I receive a receipt page telling me that my email was sent and who it was sent to. I noticed on this list I sent it to a girl who DESPISES ME! I panicked. A LARGE percentage of my last year in high school was about pleasing her! Really!
Side note: hasn’t there been someone in your life who you just TRIED to please? BUT, no matter what you did, it never seemed enough. Like you try to make her or him laugh but IN THEIR EYES, they have laughed harder? This is someone you were constantly trailing behind on eggshells but NEVER been good enough in their eyes???
Well, tonight I learned, “WHO THE EFF DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL ME WHETHER OR NOT I AM GOOD ENOUGH?”
So, I brought up that side note because this person who despises me is someone who has constantly treated me poorly! This person has belittled me. When I sound uneducated, I hear your snide remarks. This person has made me wish I never existed but I realized WHATEVER! Ha ha ha! I know. What a mature answer!
So, at this moment in time, there is a very slim chance that I will see her again! Maybe we will see each other for every major holiday. HOWEVER, what it boils down to is that, I will never see her when it matters! I’ve realized I DO NOT CARE! What makes her better than me? I can think of superficial ways she is better than me! She’s smarter…..she has a very funny sense of humor…and she speaks in a very well-educated manner.
BUT what do I have to offer the world that she does not? LOVE! [ha. How does that help you? Have you hear of the ripple effect? Pay it forward? The domino effect? I send someone love and that makes them want to spread love to more people and then slowly it just spreads like JAM : D] LAUGHS! [I have to ADMIT that she is so much funnier than I am AND I don’t feel distressed admitting to it! It’s the truth. I can’t live in a fantasy world forever where I am like the MOST HILARIOUS person in the world! I’m not and I know that BUT I do my best to make someone smile] Help! [Everyone needs a hand once in awhile. This person I am talking about is only helpful to her IMMEDIATE circle of friends.] A QUARKY PERSONALITY! [you know that person in the middle of the street who does the weirdest thing just to make people laugh or think…that’s me! I am just a curious clown!] The list goes on.
Anyway, in my eyes, I have more to offer this world than her. To me, the little things in life match the big things. And I need to understand that everyone has the right to their own opinion and I shouldn’t let glares and snide remarks BOTHER ME! I realize this self-loathing needs to stop because am I living for her or am I living for me? Is she going to take care of me [I REALLY REALLY REALLY HOPE SHE DOES NOT CARE FOR ME IN THE FUTURE]? Will she pay my bills?
Do I want to be crabby all the time and to myself LIKE HER or do I want to be the HAPPY, PEPPY, and OH SO CARING PERSON I LOOOOOVE LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEE TO BE?
I don’t want to be anyone but me. If this person, who doesn’t see the GREATNESS in me, doesn’t like me, that’s fine! You WANT to leave and give me glares from your corner and talk all the crap you want about me, go ahead! Have a party! INVITE ALL MY CLOSEST FRIENDS! INVITE MY FAMILY! MAKE IT LIVE! EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING YOU WANT!
In the end, my family and my REAL friends will stand by my side. Not only will I be with them BUT I will still be the sweet/caring person I am AND keep my arms open and welcoming.
Anyway, I can honestly still say that I really like her company! She’s SUPER SUPER SUPER funny! BUT, if she wants to “hate on me”, she can go find another punching bag because I’m not taking crap from her any longer. She’s not going to control the way I send emails. I will send them to whoever I DARN WELL PLEASE AND HOWEVER I DARN WELL PLEASE!
I love the way I am : D
***If you’re reading this and you know who you are, you should know that I love your humor. You’re a really great person when you’re not a jerk and I only send love. AND YOU DRESS EXTREMELY WELL! AND YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL. In this blog, I probably sound like a pansy but really I just want you to know it’s not right the way you treat others! And, if you continue to treat people like crap, you’re only going to get crap in return! Sorry! I will keep you in my prayers! I forgive you for treating me like crap : D I hope the best for you because the way you’re going, your future doesn’t look good! [[Oh, Tyler Perry! What CAN’T YOU TEACH!?!?! YOU NEED A CARTOON HOMIE!]]
Oh, and this is NOT! NOT! NOT! A break-up letter or whatever. Ha ha ha! It is seriously about me and someone I would consider a friend <3
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